Good Intentions
by illman
Summary: The Road to Hell... — Sheppard and McKay test a new piece of Ancient technolgy and end up paying a very high price. COMPLETE
1. Good Intentions

_Title: Good Intentions_

_Author: Illman_

_Beta: Wish I had one, but I don't. All the grammar mishaps and misspellings are my own. Feel free to point out if I butchered the English language too badly._

_Date: 23/03/2005_

_Timeline: late first season_

_Spoilers: none_

_Warnings: whumping/dark_

_Disclaimer: It's their universe, not mine._

_Summary: It doesn't always happen like it's supposed to._

_Author's Notes: A plot bunny bit me (if you can call this a plot) and distracted me from my WIPs. The universe this is set in is maybe just a bit darker than the one we know from the show._

* * *

John triumphantly walked out of the mess hall with his bounty. He had won the race for the last chocolate muffin. It had been close, very close. But he had been unmistakably the first to claim the tasty item. Dr. Zelenka, Lieutenant Devan and Dr. Grodin had been left to stare after him,when he had grabbed the muffin first and left. Not that John didn't like chocolate muffins, but this one was for Rodney. It had been days since he had seen the scientist in the mess hall and everyone knew how much Rodney loved his food.

Everyone was under pressure with the imminent threat of the Wraith attack,but Rodney took everything to extremes. He had holed himself up in the lab., only emerging to grab the occasional shower or the rare hour of sleep. That couldn't be good for anyone. At first John had told himself that Rodney was an adult and knew what he was doing,but now he wasn't so sure anymore. When Rodney had excused himself from attending a briefing this morning and Elizabeth had allowed it, he had made up his mind to pay Rodney a visit - drop by as a friend. Friends did that, didn't they? Armed with a muffin and the intention to talk Rodney into eating it and maybe even getting some sleep, he marched towards the lab.

When he entered, Rodney didn't deem him worthy of his attention. Like a forgotten lab experiment, he stood there, watching Rodney hunched over his laptop, punching keys at an alarming rate, mumbling under his breath.

"McKay? I brought you something from the mess. Chocolate muffin, you're favorite." John tried to get Rodney's attention after his entrance had gone unnoticed.

"Um huh." Rodney mumbled without turning around. "Put it on the side."

"McKay! When was the last time you took a break?"

"When I still could afford to take one." Rodney sounded annoyed. John had succeeded in distracting him.

"You're taking one now." John closed Rodney's laptop so fast that Rodney could barely get his fingers out of the way.

"The point being of you interrupting calculations that could enable us to use the shield for several hours longer than we could at its current power consumption?"

"You need a break. I brought you something to eat and afterwards you are going to take a nap. You're on the fast track to committing karoshi and I'm not going to let you." John winced at hearing his own words. It sounded way more personal than he had intended. You are here just as a friend, he reminded himself. Rodney didn't reply immediately,instead he was looking around the room.

"I could use your help, major. We have been looking for solution from all angles. Including Ancient technologies. I have been skimming through varies texts last night and found an item that might be of use. I don't know too much about it, but..."

"You need me to activate it. If I do it, are you going to take a break?"

"Are you never giving up? I'm going to eat your muffin."

"What about the nap?"

"Let's say it depends on what we find."

"So,if you find something promising, then you are going to want to do more tests, we are going to be here forever." John sighed.

"Sometimes, I almost believe that you do have a brain, major. But of course, if it doesn't work, I have wasted valuable time and need to get back to my calculations." Rodney grinned. "I win."

"For now." John conceded. He wasn't going to give up that easily.

Rodney got up and brought several objects over to the lab bench. One was a plate seized dull gray disc. Near the center of the disc were three odd shaped holes. Cut to fit in the holes three clear crystals. The last object resembled a a metal headband with the front half cut out. It was made of the same dull gray material as the disc,but was oddly light for its metallic look. Rodney assembled the disc with the crystals while John turned the headband like piece over in his hands, trying to get a sense of what it was.

"What do you know about this?" he asked.

"Not took much. We found it when exploring the city. The texts indicate that it generates an energy field of some kind,I haven't worked out any particulars,but it sounded useful." Rodney grinned excited despite the exhaustion that was written on his face. John couldn't help but be infected by the other man's excitement.

"Then let's get going." he took a deep breath and put on the head piece.

At first there was nothing. Nothing reacted, lit up or did anything. Rodney was watching was a tense face. John was almost ready to call the test off, when he heard a hum. A hum that was both in the room and it was also filling his head. The crystals were starting to glow and the hum in his head intensified rapidly,drowning out all sounds in the room. John wanted to move his hands, to off the headpiece, but he couldn't move them. Somehow he was now staring at the ceiling with Rodney hovering over him. His mouth was moving. He could only make out a hint of Rodney's voice through the deafening noise in his head. Rodney sounded shrill. John tried to say something, but his own voice was swallowed by the noise in his head. Suddenly, sharp pain lanced through his head, intensifying by the second. This time he heard the scream that tore from his throat before everything went dark.

Rodney was frantic. Everything had been going along fine. The crystals had activated and had produced an amazing energy field. He had been completely absorbed in taking reading, he had only noticed that something was wrong when John had hit the floor with a thud. Reading immediately forgotten, Rodney had rushed to his side,but he had been totally helpless. John's eyes had been open, but he had been staring up at him, as if he didn't even see him. He had been like paralyzed, not knowing what to do. Only when John had screamed and passed out, he'd finally had the sense to call Beckett.

Now if the man would come already. Rodney felt for John's pulse again, finding it fast and strong. His thoughts were racing. What if there was something seriously wrong? And God, who was he kidding? There was something seriously wrong. When he had tried to remove the alien headpiece before, he'd found the he couldn't. With horror, he'd seen a thing line of blood dripping from the major's temple. That qualified as serious in his book.

He glanced over at John. Suddenly the still man's back arched and he launched into a violent fit of compulsions. Rodney was just about to get back on the radio with Beckett when the doctor barelled through the door,panting from the run. In a flurry of activity, Beckett and his team of medics hold down John and inject him with the contents of a syringe. Soon he went limp on the ground. He was loaded onto a gurney and wheeled off to the infirmary. Rodney was left behind. He was numb with fear, Slowly he got up from the ground where he had been kneeling next to John and made his way to the infirmary.

Rodney could see John from where he was standing. Well,he could see bits of him, his hair and one am. He forced himself to listen to Dr. Beckett.

"I gave the interface to Dr. Zelenka as Dr. Weir ordered. It seems like it was trying to attach itself permanently to Major Sheppard. He was very lucky that it stopped before any major damage was done. I removed the two pins that were driven into his temple. There was some minor bleeding that I want to keep an eye on, but nothing that won't heal given time."

Radek had told him already what he had found out about the interface. If it hadn't shut off for some reason, John would be dead now. Dead because of him.

"I think the major's brain couldn't handle the interface. That's why they interface stopped working" Beckett theorized.

"What's wrong with him?" Rodney asked,needed to know everything that he had done.

"He's stable for now. It's his brain activity that we're concerned about. It's highly erratic. It's too soon to tell for sure. We're hoping it will normalized on its own. I have contacted Dr. Perez from linguistics to help translating all the material we have about the artifact. I know you already made your own translation, but I thought it couldn't hurt to have our expert on Ancient to look at it as well."

Normally Rodney would have been offended that people didn't trust his work, but now he didn't care. He went back to the lab to get his own translation work before sitting down at John's bedside.

Rodney only got up hours later when almost midnight. He didn't plan on leaving for good, he just needed to get a bite to eat to keep his blood sugar up. Carson was long gone and the night staff didn't bother him as he left. He was almost out the door when he ran into the person he least expected. Elizabeth was heading straight for him. She had been looking for him, he could tell. He has been avoiding her since the fiasco with the interface, but he knew he would have to face the consequences. Elizabeth came to a stop near him, but before she has a chance to speak, he stopped her.

"Don't," Rodney raised his hand, stilling Elizabeth. "I know. I know it's my fault. I should have run tests on the interface before letting John anywhere near it. It would have been my responsibility to make sure that it was safe. But I didn't do it. I was too busy, too desperate to find a way to save us from the Wraith that I didn't take the time to properly test the Ancient interface before asking John to activate it. I didn't even take the time to study all the text completely,otherwise I would have know that it is a one shot thing, that the user is sacrificing him or herself when using the device. I should have known. Everything that's happened is my fault. Please believe me. I wish there was something, anything I could do …"

"Don't do this to yourself Rodney. You can't undo what happened. Yes, you made a mistake by not being more careful with the translation. To be honest, if the circumstances were different, you would probably lose your position on the science team,but right now, we can't afford that. Neither of us can."

"I'm resigning." He said forcefully, looking at her for the first time since they had begun their conversation."I don't deserve to be chief scientist for this mission anymore.

"No, you aren't." Elizabeth's voice wasn't gentle anymore. "You are not going to wallow in self-pity while everyone else is trying to figure out how to safe the city."

"Self-pity! Is that what you think this is? John might never wake up again because I tried to find a way to save the city."

He's my friend too." Elizabeth's voice softened. "But we need you too. Everyone in the city needs you now. It's late, get some sleep. I see you back in the lab tomorrow morning." Elizabeth starts towards the infirmary door, waiting for him to follow. Rodney cast a last look back in the direction of John's bed. He wanted to stay, wanted to be there for John, but he knew he couldn't. He turned away and followed Elizabeth.

The End


	2. To Hell They Went

Title: To hell they went

Author: Illman

Beta: Not beta read.

Date: 02/04/2005

Warnings: whumping , darkfic

Spoiler: general events up to end of season one

Disclaimer: It's their universe, not mine.

Summary: Rodney has to deal with his guilt while he waits for John to wake up.

A/N: This follows an earlier story of mine, Good Intentions. Good Intentions was supposed to be a one shot, but looking at it again, I realized that it did call for a sequel. Now it's turned into a multi-chaptered story. The story is set post 'The Siege', but contains no specific spoilers for the season finale. It's a AU version of events.

* * *

'...to our colleague Rodney McKay who linked Ancient and Earth technology to create a weapon to defend us against the Wraith. I'm only speaking what is on everyone's mind when I say that it is only because of him that we are here now.' Zelenka's speech was uncharacteristically formal, but the occasion was unexpected and everyone was a bit off. No one had expected their victory. It was at the proverbial last minute that Rodney had come through with the weapon that had destroyed the wraith ships hovering over the City and had saved them all. The wraith had obviously gotten the message; no new ships had arrived since then. That had been about 24 hours ago, now assured that they had indeed won, Weir had decided that a celebration was in order. Atlantis' chef had baked chocolate cakes with real ingredient obtained from their trading partners. There had been speeches. Rodney had only half listened. He knew that people were praising him for his work, they attributed the victory to him, and they thought he had saved them. On the surface he had, it were his calculations for the shield frequencies that had made it hold as long as it had. The evening john had come to his office, the evening it had happened; he had started working on those calculations. After what had happened, he couldn't abandon them, he had not put them away, every available minute at work, he had spent perfecting the shield, making at as strong as possible at the lowest possible energy consumption. It had bought them vital minutes. It hadn't saved them in the end, but without those minutes they would have been dead. In the end it was the bomb that saved them. The weapon he had made from the Ancient interface that had taken John from him. He should have never taken another look at the fateful device, but in a cruel way, it had captured his interest. Being connected to John, for even the brief time, had changed it, it had been charged, and the amount of energy transferred to it was enormous. It was as he understood the Ancient writings, a device that was powered by a living user. The Ancient's didn't believe in self-sacrifice, all their equipment had safety measures built into it. They had probably never used this device on a wider scale; It was without a doubt a very powerful weapon. It wasn't Rodney who had saved the City, John had saved it, again. It was his sacrifice that had given the energy that had allowed the weapon to be fired. Rodney didn't say anything. He didn't explain that the device had been powered by one of their own, one who was now lying in the infirmary, unconscious for days. They felt save with the weapon at their disposal. Rodney felt guilty for having gained from what he had done. Rationally he knew that not using what he had learned would have been foolish, he had done the right thing and saved the city. He wiped his forehead, he was tired, it had been a hard time for everyone, working long hours with only the most minimal amount of sleep. Survival had been the priority, everything else was extraneous. Rodney hadn't been to see John in days. He was going to, as soon as he could sneak away. he didn't feel like food anyways and all the music did was hurt his head. He was just about to head for the door when Carson made his way towards him. This was the last thing he wanted to deal with now. Carson was bearing a plate with a piece of cake and thrust it towards Rodney,

'The cake is excellent Rodney, you should really try it. Here have a piece.' Carson handed him the plate. Rodney tried to hand it back, but the Doctor refused to take it, 'Carson, look, I have something important to take care of, I'll be back later,'

Rodney had no intention of doing so, but if it would appease the doctor, he didn't care.

'Just where are you off to? You haven't had a decent meal today, am I right?'

'I'm off to see John' Rodney saw no reason to hide to truth. I'll eat something when I get back. He wasn't so sure about that part, at the moment he felt rather nauseous and the thought of food disgusted him.

'I know you haven't been to see him the last few days.' Carson said, 'But don't..'

Rodney cut him off.' I know that, what to do you think I was doing. Playing Minesweeper? Someone was saving the City!' Rodney marched out of the hall plate still in his hands.

John was lying in bed, still as always lately. The nurses shaved him, but his hair was starting to get long. Rodney was almost too lost in his thought too hear the footsteps behind himself. Only when Carson was almost standing behind him, he whipped around.

'What are you doing here? Can't you leave me alone for once?' Rodney snapped, the stress from the last weeks showing through. His mood was at an all time low. Ever since John was in the infirmary, he had hardly spoken to anyone and when he had, he had snapped at them. His staff had stayed even further away from him than usual. Only Zelenka had dared to occasionally wander into his office and check up on him. But he had received nothing but snide comments either.

'What I wanted to tell you back at the party. John is doing a bit better. The irregular brain waves that I told you and Dr. Weir that I was worried about, they have normalized almost completely. There isn't any brain damage that I can detect.'

Now that Carson was talking about John, the one subject that he cared about right now, Rodney was listening very closely and he had not missed that there was something that Carson had not said.

'Out with it! There is something you haven't set yet.'

'You're right. His brain activity pattern is way off. I even repeated the CAT scan. There is no damage to explain it, there is no medical explanation that I can think of, but I have as theory that it has to do with the interface. I thought maybe you could help me with...'

'No. Take your theories elsewhere. I'm handing in my resignation tomorrow,'

'Does Dr. Weir know about this?'

'She knows that I want to resign, I should have lost my position because of what happened, but because of the situation we were in, we couldn't afford it. Now, I'm resigning altogether.'

'I assume you were responsible for what happened, but how?'

'I didn't bother to completely translate the writings that were found with the device and the interface before I ask John to try it out. You know best what happened.' Rodney said dejectedly.

* * *

Dr. Weir looked at him sternly.

'I see. I can't say this came unexpectedly. The situation with John is hard on all of us. He has many friends here. But I know that you feel responsible for his condition.' Weir didn't mention that there was definite truth to his feeling. 'I'm not letting you leave the City, and I'm not accepting your resignation, but I'm willing to give you time off. Carson's current prognosis isn't optimistic but he is still working on something. Take some time off, Rodney. But I want one thing. You never turned in a report on how you saved the City when the Wraith attacked. I want that report. We are going to need to know how that weapon works, I want to have a team investigate it further, just in case we need to use it again.'

'Thank you.' Rodney had no intention of writing the report. He had committed enough crimes and the universe had made sure he would be punished for them.

Weir argued, threatened, even yelled, but eventually gave up. There was nothing she could do to make Rodney write the report. She now understood what General Hammond had meant when he had told her that Rodney could be difficult to work with. And she thought she had seen it before. In the end, he had agreed to come back to work in a crisis situation. Meanwhile, Rodney had other worries. He had spent the majority of his time with John, talking to him or sitting silently at his bedside. He refused to listen to anyone trying to talk him into taking a break from his vigil. Ford and Teyla had been to the infirmary frequently to visit the major, and it was only when they or other visitors where there that Rodney willingly left during the day. After a huge argument with Carson, he spent the nights in his quarters, but he was bent on spending the day on John's side. Carson kept him updated on John's condition, but Rodney wanted to hear nothing about his research into the Ancient interface and Carson didn't ask him for help again.

* * *

Two days after Weir had given up on ever getting her report, Rodney sat next to John's bed recounting his conversation with Bates during lunch.

'Then it turned out it had been a lizard, a harmless lizard. They had been freaking out about a lizard. I wish we had been there. I'd have loved to see the expression on his face...' Rodney trailed of as he caught a look of John's face. He was frowning, there was no doubt about it. The relaxed, almost serene expression that had been on his face for the past weeks was gone. Rodney's hovered close, hardly daring to breathe. Carson hadn't had much hope that John would wake up in his current condition, but couldn't you always hope for a miracle? John's frown relaxed and his eyes flickered open. John gazed up at Rodney, his eyes seeming unfocussed.

'John?' Rodney whispered, but got no response, as John's eyes moved around the room. Rodney hit the call button.

* * *

'Eat John.' Rodney encouraged the man sitting opposite from him.

In the two weeks since John had woken up in he infirmary, he had making steady progress. Rodney tried to be happy about every step that John took, but he was more sad than ever. With every day, he realized that John as he knew him was never coming back. John reacted to his voice and seemed on some level understand what he was saying. He reacted differently well to different people. Rodney figured it just took him time to get used to a new voice. John seemed to do best around him and Carson, to two people he had the most exposure to. John still slept a lot. His motor skills were still improving after the long disuse of his muscles, He hadn't spoken a word so far and Carson had no idea whether he ever would. There was a lot Carson didn't know, they would have to just wait and see. Rodney knew that considering the circumstance John's recovery to this level was amazing in itself. There was no question that he would burry his sadness and stay. He would never abandon John, especially not now.

_TBC_


	3. Well Meant

John broke into a run. Rodney started after him, alarmed, about to call for Beckett. It was only when John turned his head, a big smile on his face, when he recognized that John was just being playful and wanted to race him back to the infirmary. Rodney forced a smile and joined the race. He was feeling miserable this morning. Carson and he had been dancing around this issue for weeks, but today, they had a meeting with Weir about John's future. John had to leave the infirmary eventually and he wasn't fit enough to leave on his own. That was what they all agreed on. What to do about it was the question they all had different answers. Rodney had forgotten all about the race and had slowed down to a normal walking pace; he was so busy with his thought. Only when John tugged on his arm, he followed him to the infirmary. John was in good spirits as on most days. in the first month or two, Rodney had felt sadder than ever in his life. He still felt the profound sadness and guilt tugging at his heart, but spending almost all his time with John had changed his outlook a lot. He had become softer. He still tried to present his arrogant facade on occasion but usually it was half hearted. Science had vanished in the background. He still kept up by reading most of the reports via Zelenka, but he felt no urge to get involved or even to correct Cavanaugh when he red something he knew was totally incorrect in his report. In the past, he wouldn't have been able to resist the urge. Mealtimes were a highlight in his and John's day. They usually sat with Ford, Teyla and Bates and Markham who now formed a team. Over meals to shared stories of their latest adventures. Even though he wasn't sure how much John understood of what was being said, he seemed to enjoy the stories. John had lost the darkness that had been part of him in his life previously to what everyone called the accident. Rodney knew that it hadn't been an accident. it had been a mistake, his mistake. A mistake that he would pay for, for the rest of his life. John would be his constant reminder for as long as he lived. Rodney watched sadly as a nurse led john off to the shower, John could take care of himself for the most part, but he still needed constant prompting and attention. He could be left alone for a few hours at best, but he got easily frightened and agitated. So far, they had never left him alone more than necessary. Moving out of the infirmary was going to be a big step.

* * *

„You have to find back to a normal life sometime, Rodney. you can't go on like this." Carson had to restrain himself not to yell.

„This is my life. I won't leave John alone now just because he isn't useful to the City anymore. He is still my friend. "

„No one said he wasn't. Let's keep this professional gentlemen." Weir reminded them. „I agree with Dr. Beckett, Rodney. I think you should get back to work. Your contributions have been missed and Dr. Heightmeyer and I agree that you should get back on missions. I know that you have been keeping yourself in shape. I have assigned you on a mission for tomorrow morning, briefing is at 800 hours. I expect to see you there without an argument. I will not tolerate the kind of circus that we had the last time I gave you an order. If everything is clear, we can proceeded to the issue at hand." Weir said smoothly, like someone sure of their authority. Rodney's refusal to write his report had undermined her authority and she was determined not to let it happen again.

„I won't go. You know that this is not about you or your authority, Elizabeth. I still respect you. But i don't work for you anymore. I should have fired me long ago." Rodney said softly, without a hint of antagonism in his voice. He didn't want to provoke another argument, he really didn't. But he was done with his job, with gone on missions that part of his life had been over the day he had made his fatal mistake and had destroyed the life of his best friend.

„You're wrong. You are going. You are going back to work starting tomorrow." Weir said icily. „It's for your own good. You're squandering your potential sitting in the city all the time." She added more softly.

„Nothing you say will convince me. I have handed in my resignation." Rodney said.

„Rodney, she means what she says. You really need to get out sometimes. There are plenty of other people who are willing to spend time with John. He won't be alone while you are gone, if that's what you are worried about."

„You don't understand." Rodney shook his head. He was going to stay by John's side no matter what.

„Oh, I do understand. From now on, you are to see Dr. Heightmeyer on a weekly basis. I think you have some serious issues to work through. And seeing that you can't straighten out your professional life and refuse to come to work, you're no longer allowed to visit Major Sheppard in the infirmary until I say otherwise. I see you in the briefing tomorrow morning. Dismissed." Weir sounded almost said as she said the last words. Rodney said nothing as he ran out of the room.

* * *

„Weren't you a bit harsh with him? He spends all his time with the major." Carson considered.

„Exactly. I don't know what to do with him anymore. We need him. We can't let him kill himself with guilt over what he's done."

„I don't know if I could ever forgive myself if I were him."

„Knowing him, he won't ever, but at the moment I'd be happy to get the normal dysfunctional McKay back. I'm at the end of my rope with him. Do you think he'll show up tomorrow?"

Carson frowned. Rodney seemed tied to John. The intense guilt the scientist felt probably never left him alone day or night. Carson didn't even want to imagine what life like that must be like. Maybe being forced away would give the man some peace.

* * *

„Fuck!" Rodney cursed and spit out a mouthful of foul tasting water. He was on his lost, somewhere within this huge jungle on an alien planet. Great, his first mission back on the team, this time with Bates, Teyla, Ford and Markham as a pilot. It had started out all right. The climate was a pest, hot and 85 humidity had caused him to struggle early on. There hadn't been supposed to be any natives. All they had wanted to do on the planet was gather plant samples for medicinal research. Suddenly darts had been flying. Rodney had only seen Markham go down before he had fled to escape the possibly lethal attack. He had tried to run, but in the heavy and thick vegetation, he had stumbled and finally fallen head along into a shallow pond. His face was scratched from whipping branches and his ankle hurt, but otherwise he was fine. Discounting whatever bacteria were in the water. He waded back out of the water and stood pondering his next action. Every direction looked as unappealing as the next and he had no idea how to get back to the Jumper. He was lost.

* * *

The mission was 24 hours overdue when Elizabeth sent a second team through the Gate to investigate. The Jumper of the first time was still parked within visual range of the team, a MALP survey had already revealed that, but a communication attempt had not been successful. Finished with her duties in the control room, she checked her watch. It was time for dinner. She recalled a promise that she had made to Carson, something that she should have done a long time ago. Instead of heading straight to the infirmary, she headed towards John's quarters. He had moved back to his old quarters, but he was never alone. A nurse was staying in the quarters next to his, and a schedule had been set up for people to spend to with him. Many people had eagerly entered their names, but she had been hesitant. But for tonight she had volunteered. She paused in front of the door, knocked and then let herself in. John was sitting on the bed and was watching her wearily. She felt uncomfortable, not sure how to act around him. Other just acting like usual, but she can't seem to do it. It's like she is paralyzed. Acting normally, would be not right. John is not normal. It would be weird to act all normal around him. Her thoughts are racing. John is still watching her attentively. Suddenly, he gets bored and goes back to letting his fingers walk over the mattress, all his attention focussed on the new game now.

Finally, Elizabeth could move again, she walked over to him and touched his shoulder lightly.

„John, it's time for dinner. I'm taking you tonight. Rodney and the others are out on a mission." She added as an explanation. John would want an explanation, she reasoned. John looked back up, but didn't get up. He frowned and stayed on his bed, Elizabeth didn't quite know what do to. She should have spent more time with John. But she didn't want, she didn't know how to behave around him, she still didn't know. Calling Carson now would make her feel foolish. She tried again.. She got down on her knees, to get down to John's eye level.

„Hungry? It's dinner time. I'm sorry that Rodney and the other's aren't here. They will be back tomorrow." No use. John didn't even look up and walked his fingers even faster over the covers.

„I have an idea. I'll get us something to eat here. I'll be back in a minute." Elizabeth announced, not really sure whether John was aware of anything that was going on, even though Beckett had assured her that john could hear and to some degree understand what was being said around him.

10 minutes later Elizabeth was back with two plates of Mac and Cheese. The second she entered, John looked up and at the sight and smell of food, his face instantly brightened. His weariness of Elizabeth seemed to wane a bit. He came over to the table where she had set down the food. Elizabeth smiled.

* * *

Everything was wrong. He was dead tired, but didn't dare to sleep. If he fell asleep, he risked being bitten by something deadly. Not that this couldn't happen while he was awake, in fact, he had barely escaped a snake bit twice today, but during sleep, he didn't stand a change. Rodney was trying to get comfortable on a huge fallen tree log, but the pain in his now massively swollen ankle, his wet, sticky clothes and the fear of what was lurking in the darkness weren't letting him rest. He had no idea what he happened to the rest of the team. Some of them must have escaped the darts, but like him they might be lost in the maybe of the jungle. Or they might be back on Atlantis. What was John doing? Was he all right? What if he missed him? Both he and Beckett agreed that john could differentiate between different people, there was no doubt about it. He was used to Rodney. Now suddenly Rodney was gone, forbidden from spending time with him. He hoped that once he showed up for work Weir would reconsider fast. he had seen Carson had breakfast the previous morning and in spite of all their differences, the doctor had promised to put in a good word for him with Elizabeth. So had Bates, Ford and Zelenka when they had heard what had happened. Weir's move certainly hadn't been a popular one. Most thought it was 'cruel and unusual'. She would relent eventually. She just had too. If he ever got back out of this damp hell of a place to see it. Rodney got back into a sitting position, giving up on lying down. If he was going to sleep, he was going to do it leaning against the log. That way, he couldn't fall off it at least.

* * *

The door whooshed open. „I had no idea that you could do this, doctor." Zelenka commented, as Carson opened the door to Rodney's abandoned office with a thought, „If you could do this all along, then why have we been waiting so long?"

„Dr. Weir never authorized it. I asked her several times. But just before I called her, she walked into my office and told me it was all right to access Dr. McKay's office. She's got to be mad. He is going to be furious when he finds out after he comes back."

„We better make sure he does not find out, now do we. " Zelenka commented dryly. „All we need his energy reading that he took during the initial contact with the alien interface and then later when he worked on the weapon. God knows what he did, he never wrote that report. " Zelenka already started to go through McKay's files on his laptop.

„How did you know his password? " Carson was astounded.

„There are some secrets better not told."

„Thankfully our friend Rodney is obsessed with readings and keeps it all nicely filed up. There is what you need, doctor." Zelenka saved the data to the USB memory device that they had brought with them.

„Thanks for helping me on this. Without you, we wouldn't be where we are now. Unfortunately there will be no way to test the treatment. But if it is possible with the energy remaining in the crystals, then I will make the recommendation to Dr. Weir."

* * *

Rodney didn't know whether the scream was a signal of triumph, a means of alerting the rest of the tribe, or something else entirely. The only thing he knew for sure was that he was being wrestled to the ground was embarrassing ease by a man far smaller and lighter than him. Ropes tightened around his wrists and he was rudely pulled back to his feet. A fist in the back told him that he was expected to get moving. The trek through the jungle was mercifully brief and didn't include anything worse than he had already had. A few more punches in the back and a kick in the back of the knees only added to his day after a sleepless night. The village was in a treeless area, consisting of a circle of huts, with a wall less hut in the centre. He could see a few men lounging under the roof, smoking something, chatting with each other. They cane out from their gathering place when he and his captor arrived. A brief exchange in an alien tongue took place and he was led towards the side of the village, past the last hut. He just saw the pit fast enough to brace himself for the fall before he was shoved over the rim.

* * *

„I understand that you have been working on this for months, gentlemen. Tell me, what are the risks?" Dr. Weir asked. It was still early, but when she had heard what Carson and Zelenka had wanted to see her about, she had agreed to see them before breakfast.

„It's heard to say. The treatment is untested. I think I have found a way to complete the process that the Ancient interface started in the major's brain, but without using him as an energy source as the device originally intended,"

Elizabeth was confused. „Back up there, doctor. Start from the beginning,"

„The Ancient device that caused John accident, it was a device that used the user's energy to load the device with energy. Energy that could be used to create a powerful weapon. The interface of the device is what caused the changes to the major's brain. That's the only explanation. From what Rodney told me, Major Sheppard had a seizure when he was first connected to the interface, his connection was severed before the transfer was complete, which is good because the device would have killed him. But on the other hand, the interrupted connection to the interface left his mind basically waiting for input from the interface, to put it simply."

„I get it, I get it. Now you have found a way to treat him."

„Most possibly yes. I have studied the interface with the help of Dr. Zelenka and I think it can be used in a non harmful way to complete the connection to Major Sheppard's mind. Now as I said there is no way to test this and given his previous strong reaction to the interface there are risks of seizure and subsequent brain damage. He could even die."

„John would take the chance. It doesn't matter what we think about it." Elizabeth decided.

_TBC_


	4. Gone Astray

The sun was burning down from the sky, mercilessly driving up the temperature down in the pit. Rodney had already stripped down to his tee-shirt, but still the heat was unbearable. He could already see the skin on his arms reddening and could imagine that his face looked similar. By the end of the day, he was going to have one hell of a sunburn. At least, he didn't smell it any more. The overwhelming foul smell of the shallow water on the bottom of the pit had him nearly gagging at first, but by now, he was so used to the stench that he didn't even smell it anymore. Fortunately the water was standing high enough to have prevented him from suffering any more serious injuries in the fall down what must have been at least 10 feet. The walls of the pit were steep, it would be impossible to climb out without help, Rodney leaned against the wall, trying to keep out of the water as far as possible while not wasting energy. They were overdue for nearly thirty hours now, Atlantis had to be searching for them, Rodney hoped. But he had no illusions. The jungle was thick, and he had no idea how far he was from the Gate. It could be miles. It wasn't supposed to be like that. Who was going to take care of John of he didn't come back? Sure, there were other people on the station, but they had lives and jobs of their own. He on the other hand knew that his life belonged to John. It was his form of absolving his guilt.

* * *

John frowned and pulled away when the nurse approached with a hospital gown in her hands. Carson watched him carefully. Now that Elizabeth had given her okay, there was no reason to wait with the procedure. Were the situation not so desperate he would never have suggested such a risky procedure, even now he felt uncomfortable about it. He was pretty certain that Elizabeth was right in her assessment about how John would feel about taking the risk. The man sitting on the bed wasn't aware that he risked permanent brain injury in an untested medical procedure. He hadn't yet had the heart to explain to John what was happening, but he had the feeling that he was already picking up that something was going on. John had been in the infirmary all day, mainly because everyone else had been busy with their daily work. Carson didn't have many patients at the moment and Dr. Woods had agreed to take care of the routine work to give him time to spend the day with John. Despite his best efforts to keep John occupied, he had been restless and agitated all day. Even his favourite games hadn't kept him occupied for long. Carson couldn't hope but wonder whether John missed Rodney. Not for the first time, he wished that Rodney was there now, he might be able to calm John and find the right words to explain to him what was going to happen. But Rodney wasn't there and he could only hope that the search team would return with good news. For now, his focus had to be on other matters. Carson sighed softly and walked over to the bed. He sat down next to John.

„John?" he touched the other man's arm gentle, trying to get his attention.

„I need to talk to you." John looked at him, returning the touch.

„I know you are a bit nervous today. You probably feel fine, but you probably noticed that you can't remember as much." Carson paused and searched for signs of comprehension on Johns face. He wasn't sure whether there was any understanding of his words, but he still had still John's attention. That was good.

„I'm trying to help you with that. I'm not sure it is going to work. But I'm going to try my best I promise." Carson wanted to be honest.

He watched John carefully for any reaction. John pulled his arms around himself, softly rocking himself on the bed. Carson immediately regretted his words. He shouldn't have said anything. He knew far too little about how much John really could understand and process to judge how he would react. Now, he had frightened him. He wanted to avoid having to sedate John.

There were already too many unknowns in the procedure and there was no telling who the interface would react to an unconscious state. He wanted to recreate the conditions of John's previous contact with the device as precisely as possible, so he needed him to be conscious.

Two hours later, John had calmed down significantly. It had taken lots of pats on the back, whispered reassurances that everything was going to be all right and two chocolate bars. John was still restless, but he had stopped rocking back on forth. He still sat on the bed, but was in perpetual motion, he was swinging his legs and his eyes were darting around the infirmary as if he was searching for something or someone. After some prompting he had changed into the scrubs, but he had refused to lie down. Carson had decided to resort to a compromise. Instead of sedating John, he was going to give him a mild tranquilizer, enough to calm him down, but not enough to knock him out. It would be the best for John.

John was quietly settled on the bed, starring lazily at the ceiling while Carson and one of his nurses were busy around him, setting up an IV and rechecking the interface and the device one last time to make sure that everything was in order. Dr. Zelenka was helping Carson was the technical side of the device, he had contributed significantly to developing the treatment and it had been his calculations that had convinced Carson to give it a try.

„Everything is in perfect working order. There seems to be just enough energy left in the device to connect it to John without drawing too much energy from him." Zelenka reassured him after he had run one last check on the alien device.

„I'm pleased to hear that. I can't thank you enough for all your help on this."

„Everyone would have done the same for him." Zelenka nodded in John's direction.

„How is he doing?"

„A bit nervous, I think. He knows that something is going on."

„Can't blame him for being a bit edgy. I can't imagine how I'd be feeling if you were about to hook me up to this sucker." Zelenka said. „Good luck."

It was time. Carson carried the device over from the lab and placed it on a table next to John's bed. John followed his actions with his eyes when he picked up the interface and approached him.

„I can't promise you that it isn't going to hurt, but we are all here for you." Carson reassured John when he saw him twitching slightly.

As soon as the interface made contact with John, it came to life and lit up. Mere seconds later, John's body went rigid, his hands gripping the blanket so forcefully that his knuckles seemed white. His eyes were still wide open, staring at the ceiling without sight. Carson didn't hesitate and swiftly injected a painkiller into John's IV. He waited for it to take effect, but nothing happened. If anything, John seemed to tense up even more, he was starting to tremble and the sound of his strained panting filled the silence.

Checking the monitors, Carson reassured himself that his patient's vitals were just within the acceptable range. For the moment, John wasn't in any danger, no matter how bad it looked. Carson was about to relax a little bit, when a raw, hoarse scream ripped through the tense silence of the infirmary. All other thoughts gone from his mind, Carson raced to John's side and got ready to administer another dose of pain medication. He was injecting the drug when John jumped at him, knocking him and the IV stand down. It happened so fast, Carson hardly knew what was going on. He heard the nurse screaming, felt the pain in his head and back and still dazed, he was yanked to his feet. He caught a look of John's face. It was a mere grimace of his normal expression, his features were contorted in what he could only guess must be terrible pain, his skin was pale and he was sweating. Blood was running down the sides of his face in tiny, but steady trails. For a moment, John started at him, keeping him in a steel grip. Carson tried to lock eyes with him, tried to get him to see who he was, that he was a friend, but the stare on John's face was cold and unseeing. As sudden as John had stopped moving, he started again. Taking by surprise, Carson was slammed against the wall and pinned there. He struggled to get free, but stood no chance against the other man. Not that he lacked strength, but John kept in better shape, and his strength currently seemed amplified to almost non human levels. John removed the vice grip on Carson's arms, but before Carson could move, John's hands were wrapped around his through with a force that he had not thought possible. He couldn't breathe. Panic welled up in him. There was no way he could get John lose, he was going to die. He already felt the desperate need for air. His aimless gaze struck the forgotten alien device perched on the table. Its three crystals were glowing with blinding brightness. That was not supposed to happen. It shouldn't have drawn energy, He had been wrong, Carson realized as he felt the pressure on his starved lungs increase. He didn't fight John. It would only cost him oxygen, and he knew he couldn't win. No. His mind screamed at him, as he started to feel dizzy and the edges of his vision started to blur and grey out. It couldn't end like this. There was noise somewhere back in the room, he tried to focus, but it was all blurry, there were people, the people were shouting. He couldn't hear them properly; it was as if his hearing was not working right, everything kept fading in and out. Just when he thought he was going to pass out from lack of oxygen, the hands disappeared. His legs didn't hold him and he crumpled to the floor. The first breath was an effort and it hurt in his throat and lungs, but he could feel his mind and body come back to life.

Carson was still panting when a gunshot exploded close to him. The disrupting sound made his ears ring. He looked up and an image of horror spread in front of him. The nurse that had been helping him with the treatment, Kylie Morgan, was crouched on the floor a few feet from him, cradling her arm. Blood stained her uniform and was spattered on the floor. A uniformed man was on the floor was well, face down. A bloody, deathly pale Sheppard held a gun in shaking hands, vaguely aiming it in Carson's direction. Without warning, he fired a shot, missing Carson by a good ten inches. Transfixed, Carson stared at the gun, still pointed at him. It was shaking in John's grip, but that didn't make the weapon any less deadly. Carson didn't hear that security guards had arrived in the infirmary, standing in the door, guns pointed at the major. The only thing he could see was the gun and the shaking hand holding it.

„Please, don't shot." he said and it sounded like a whimper. He was scared, for the second time in one day he thought he was going to die. Time slowed down for him as he saw the hand tense around the gun, the muscles readying to pull the trigger. He closed his eyes, not able to bear it any longer. He waited for the explosion, for pain and death, for oblivion, for the next life or for eternal blackness. The explosion came, but he didn't feel the bullet penetrate his body. There was only numbness when the world slipped from his grasp.

* * *

Rodney couldn't stand up on his own when the chief of the native village pulled him to his feet. After three days, they had finally pulled him from the foul water of the pit. They had not fed him nor given him anything to drink. Rodney had been forced to relieve himself into the very water he was standing in. He had made very effort to stay on his feet, but eventually low blood sugar, heat and dehydration had caught up with him. At first he had just been glad that he had been pulled out of the water. Anything had to be better than the degrading experience of being stuck in that pit. But now, hours and a seemingly endless trek through the jungle later, he felt like he was about to die. The chief and several young men had dragged him out to a cave full of skeletons. They were talking to him in their language while he was on the ground, grateful that at least he was off his feet now. The thought of surviving the trek back to the village was inconceivable. Probably they were going to kill him here anyways, he thought darkly as he glanced at the bones in the mouth of the cave. The end of the great astrophysicist, not so great explorer and lousy friend, Dr. Rodney MacKay. He didn't deserve better. The memorial they were going to hold for him on Atlantis was going to full of people talking about his achievements, about how he had saved the City. But John wouldn't be speaking there. Nobody would be there to say how a rotten friend he was. He didn't have friends, not friends like John. He had doomed John to a broken life, a shadow of his former existence. He was ready to accept any faith life dealt him.

The chief yelled and one of the younger men poked Rodney and repeated the Chief's words. Rodney didn't care. If they were going to kill him anyways, what did it matter? Suddenly one man was at each of his sides and he was being dragged into the cave. Inside, cooler air and a musty smell greeted him. Once they were out of sight of the cave opening. They dropped him to the ground and swiftly bound his wrist and ankles with rough rope. One of the men said something in an odd sing-song tone of voice, and then both left without turning back. Rodney hadn't understood a word of what the young man had said, but the meaning was clear, Rodney was in that cave to die.

Rodney dreamed. He was back with John. John was laughing; it was a friendly open laugh. Rodney didn't know why John was laughing so he looked around. They were standing in the empty Gateroom. The Stargate in front of them was engaged, the blue puddle shimmering and lighting up their faces. He looked down at himself. He was dressed for a mission, while John was dressed as usual, jeans and sweatshirt. No more uniform.

„Why are you not going through?" John asked him." The team is waiting for you on the other side."

Rodney was taken aback to hear John speak. He had gotten used to John's silent presence.

„I don't want to leave you alone." He said the words without thinking.

John smiled.

„I'm going to be there when you get back. Go, they are waiting for you." John stepped up to Rodney.

„You can't change what happened. Go. I know that you are going to come back." John whispered, giving him a slight shove towards the event horizon. Rodney stepped back, into the open wormhole. The last thing he saw was John's face, his eyes alight and alive.

Rodney woke with a start. The darkness confused him at first, making him think it was night, but the musty smell of the stale air and the hard rock beneath his aching body reminded him that he was in the cave. He shook his aching head, the strange dream still fresh in his mind. John had told him that it was okay to leave, that he should stop worrying about the past. Of course, that was only a jumbled cook-up of his subconscious. Was he just trying to justify his actions? He had promised John never to leave him. But what choice did he have. He didn't want to die on a godforsaken jungle planet, tied up a cave that served as a mass grave for a primitive people.

Rodney rested his head on the cool stone ground. It wasn't comfortable, but the cold rock eased his headache slightly. It wouldn't be long. Dehydration would kill him in the end. There were worse ways go to.

TBC


	5. Into a Corner

The air smelled of burnt plastic and antiseptic. The strange combination of smells was nauseating her as she approached the site of destruction. The rooms that had been designated as the infirmary of the Ancient City had been hit hard. It was the first time that she personally visited the place where the catastrophe had taken place around twelve hours ago. Having read the reports from the intervening security personnel, she knew what had gone down, but Dr. Weir was still shocked when her eyes fell on the blacked floor and walls, the bent and burnt remnants of beds and the molten drops on the floor that had been a glass window once. The force of the explosion and the fire that had followed in its wake must have been terribly powerful. Elizabeth shuddered as she recalled that she had given her consent to the procedure that had caused the accident. She trusted Carson and Radek and knew they would never endanger anyone. But years in her profession had taught her not to trust anyone and in a corner of her mind, she asked herself whether in their eagerness to help their friend, the two scientists might have underestimated the risks. She tried to push away the suspicions but the thought was already there. She decided to broach the topic with Radek later that day. Carson was in critical condition in the hastily set up make-shift infirmary and Dr. Woods could not yet say for certain whether her colleague would recover.

* * *

"If there is anything you have not been telling me, I want to know it now." Elizabeth deliberately spoke harshly. There was no use beating about the bush. From the minute Radek had come into her office, she had known that he was hiding something from her.

Radek looked up. What had she said? He couldn't concentrate. Ever since 'it' had happened in the infirmary, he had been living a nightmare. When he had heard the word explosion, he had immediately thought of the weapon Rodney had built and he had known it all. His mind had made the connections and for the first time ever, he had fully understood how Rodney McKay thought. Normally, this would have made his months at the very least, but in this instance, it made him realize that it was all his fault. He had had the data before, from when he and Beckett had broken in the former office of McKay. But knowing that the device was somehow able to work as he weapon and seeing it all in total clarity were two things. Rodney must have seen it with this clarity when he made the weapon and defeated the Wraith. Rodney would have been able to tell them how dangerous the device was and that any energy charge would turn it into a dangerous weapon. There had been no way to predict John's reaction, but still had he understood quicker, they would never have taken the risk in the first place. Radek's thoughts kept rotating around what he should have done, but didn't while he anxiously waited for news about the people injured in the explosion of the device. The Lieutenant who had tried to intervene would live, so far they already knew. But there was no word yet on the nurse, on John and on Carson.

When Dr. Weir had called him to her office, he had been confused, half expecting accusations. But he didn't know how to respond to what Dr. Weir wanted to hear from him. It didn't help that his brain seemingly refused to co-operate with him.

"Dr. Zelenka. I gave you and Dr. Beckett permission to use any data from Dr. McKay's office in your research. Is there anything you have learned about the alien device that you have not yet mentioned to me. You have not submitted a report on your findings."

"I…I didn't consider it an official project." Radek managed.

"It is now. I would speak to Drs. Beckett and McKay myself but as you now, that is not possible at the moment. Please just answer my question."

Radek pinched the bridge of his nose. His thoughts felt muddled. How had he ever gotten into this? It was all McKay's fault. He had started lying to Weir about the weapon and had refused to write that report. Now he had to tell her and his career was probably over anyways. On top of that he might have killed two people. Radek wanted to cry. There was only one way to get through this. The truth and nothing but the truth. He started at the beginning.

* * *

Carson was wrapped in white cotton. Even his head felt like it had been filled with the substance. Everything around him was white. Carson closed his eyes. Keeping them open just for a second was too much effort. Not that there was anything to see anyways. IN no shape to process information, Carson was about the slip back into blissful unconsciousness. Only a irritating, foreign presence in his throat kept him from drifting away. He tried to take a breath and panicked when he found that he couldn't get any air. In full panic mode, he tried to reach for whatever kept him from breathing, but he couldn't move his hands more than a few inches, before he was held back by restraints. Something was tugging at the edge of his consciousness as his heart started to race as he continued to struggle for breath. He was supposed to remember something. The sting of a needle in his arm got his attention briefly and he realized that he wasn't alone. A woman, who looked familiar, was hovering over him, talking to him.

„The sedative will kick in any moment and you'll be able to relax and fell much better. Just try not to struggle." she sounded exhausted and a bit desperate. But she was right. Carson felt himself relax and drift closer to sleep within seconds. The obstruction in his throat was still there but he was getting air. The rest didn't matter. His eyes drifted close for a moment. When he opened them again the woman was gone and another woman was there in her place, this one was sitting in a chair next to his bed. She was reading something in a folder. It looked like she had been here for a while. Carson has seen her before. His mind reluctantly supplied the name to the face, Elizabeth. As if she had noticed his eyes on her, Elizabeth looked up and moved closer to him.

„Dr. Woods let me stay for a while, if I don't wear you out too much. You might not remember right now, but there was an explosion in the infirmary. It caused a fire. But Dr. Woods says your going to be back on your feet sooner than you think," She gave him time to process the news. When she only saw a weak frown on his face, she grew concerned; maybe she should have let the mattered rest, even though the doctor had said it was all right to talk to him while he was awake.

Elizabeth's words had sparked no memories. Carson couldn't recall any fire or explosion. In fact, he had no recollection had all of what had caused his current stated. He just hoped that no one else had been injured in the fire that Elizabeth was talking about. It was getting hard to keep his eyes open. Elizabeth seemed to notice and got up. She placed a hand on his shoulder and spoke:

„Don't worry. It's going to be all right. Go to sleep."

He was asleep before Elizabeth had left the room.

* * *

The feeling of wetness against his face woke Rodney. At first he thought he was till dreaming. Finally cool and fresh water after the nightmares of the water in the pit. But when he felt his sore muscles and his abused wrist, he was catapulted into reality. The wetness remained. Energized by curiosity he worked himself up into a sitting position, leaning against the wall of the cave. It was hard to see in the dark of the cave, but there was indeed a thin stream of water running back into the cave. His face has been lying in the path of the water. Muddled as his brain was from too much sun and too little food and water, it took him a while to realize that the water must have been from the daily rain. The cave went downward, so logically, the water would flow in and collect somewhere. Maybe even somewhere he could reach. He wasn't very mobile, but if he really put his mind to it, he could move even with his wrists and ankles tied. It would just take a while.

It took even longer than Rodney thought it would. His right leg hurt. A small cut must have gotten infected and although it hadn't hurt much while he had been lying down, it hadn't taken well to the exertion. He had had to take several breaks and had even fallen asleep once. By the time he reached the pool of water, his muscles were trembling from exhaustions and his head ached terribly. He crouched down next to the small lake, trying to control his shaking arms to gather a handful of water.

He didn't care how clean the water was. It was the only water he could get and without it he was going to die within the next thirty-six hours at the best, so he didn't have much of a choice. Rodney greedily gulped down handful after handful of water, the supply big enough allow him not to ration. To late he remembered something Carson had once told them after an involuntarily extended mission to a desert planet.

_Take it slowly with the rehydrating._

_

* * *

_

The next time Carson woke up, the cotton wrapping was gone. He looked around and immediately noticed that he wasn't in the infirmary, but in a small white room, with a bed, a table and a single chair which was occupied by Radek Zelenka balancing his laptop on his knees. He was talking under his breath, mumbling numbers, not having noticed that Carson was awake. Carson felt much better than the last time he was awake. He was still on oxygen, but he is now breathing on his own. Judging by how heavy and numb he felt he would be in a lot of pain if he weren't as drugged as he as. Carson glanced at his bandaged right arm and hand and wondered what happened. He could also feel gauze taped to his chest and faze. It must have been bad. Elizabeth said something about a fire. The memory seems like from a dream and he wondered whether it really happened. Hopefully Radek could tell him what had happened.

„Hey." Carson was taken aback at how bad his voice sounded. It was hoarse and scratchy.

„Oh, I didn't know you were awake. I'm sorry I didn't foresee that the device could be recharge again and …"

„Stop. I have no idea what you are talking about." Carson stopped the apologizing scientist. „I don't know what happened. Elizabeth said something about a fire, an explosion. What really happened? Is anyone else hurt?"

„Where to start?" Radek mumbled more to himself. „The treatment for Major Sheppard, we finished and Dr. Weir approved it."

„Yes, I remember that. We did it. But it didn't work, did it? Is John all right?"

„John is still alive. But I don't think Dr. Woods knows how he really is. I was not there when it happened. I only know from reports. The device exploded and caused a fire in the infirmary. Everyone survived, but you, nurse Morgan, Lieutenant Alley and Major Sheppard were injured."

Carson could tell that Radek was leaving out a lot, but what he had said was enough to deal with for now. He had such high hopes for the treatment and apparently it had been a disaster, resulting and multiple injured people, all of which was his fault.

Radek was probably reading his expression when he put an arm on his shoulder.

„Don't blame yourself Carson. You couldn't have foreseen this. No one is blaming you. Everyone here has been very worried about you."

„But it should have…" Carson lapsed into a violent fit of coughing. Radek shot him a concerned look and started to fumble with his radio. Carson was too busy gasping for air to pay any attention to what Radek was doing. When Dr. Woods was suddenly standing in the room, he was caught be surprise. A glass of water appeared before him and he eagerly took a sip between coughs. The cold liquid immediately eased his throat and the coughing stop long enough to allow him to catch his breath. Dr. Woods handed him the glass again and he took a few more sips, careful not to overdo it and risk getting sick. Assured that he was doing better for the moment, he placed the glass on the table besides the bed and turned to Dr. Woods. Not trusting his voice, he just looked at her, raising his eyebrows, hoping that she got the message.

* * *

Dr. Weir sat at her desk flipping through Dr. Woods' report. She was at a loss for words; she didn't even know what to think. After her first visits, she hadn't been done to see Carson again in the infirmary, even though dr. Woods had personally informed her that the chief medical officer was conscious and asking to see her. She wouldn't know what to tell him. She reproached herself greatly for giving him to okay for the procedure. She should have demanded more information and weighed the options more carefully. Now in retrospect, her decision seemed rushed and ill-informed. Dr. Zelenka had already been to see her twice since the disaster in the infirmary, both times to accept responsibility and apologize for the unforeseen escalation of events. He had admitted to not doing a complete analysis of the device and therefore not finding out that an explosion was possible. Elizabeth hadn't believed him and still didn't. She had no idea what the truth was and why Zelenka was lying, but she was sure that he hadn't been sloppy in his research. The only one who really knew all there was to know about the alien device was Rodney, but he was missing off world. The search time had been on the planet for four days now, so far without any result. They had found signs of an altercation. Dropped packs, several poisoned darts, trampled vegetation, but no bodies. That was the only reason they were still looking. Elizabeth had no illusion. Their manpower was limited and the jungle was big. There was a chance they would never find their missing men, even if they were still alive. She could not afford to spend months searching an alien world, she needed the teams back on Atlantis, they continued to need allies and trading partners. And with the weapon Rodney had constructed having been destroyed in the attempt to treat John, they were in need of a new defence system against the Wraith. Elizabeth sighed and straightened her back. Sometimes her job sucked, but what had to be done had to be done. Being in charge wasn't just about making the popular calls. She's give Bates another day, then she needed her military commander back on the mission schedule. If Dr. Zelenka was accepting the responsibility for part of the fiasco in the infirmary, then she was going to take his word for it. According to DR. Woods, Beckett couldn't remember and there was no one else involved. Apparently personnel management in the science department had been seriously misguided. Rodney was a genius all right, but maybe managing people was not his resort after all. Elizabeth put a trip to the science department on her agenda.

* * *

"„All right, you heard her. 24 hour, then we are done. I don't like it any more then you do. But she is the boss. Let's make the best of it and see to it that we bring our men home. We owe it to them. Lieutenant Masters, I liked your river theory and think it's worth checking out, you and Captain Sandler will go down along the river, make contact every four hours. Teyla and Dr. Graber, you head back South-West. I knew it's a shot in the dark and the path doesn't look that well travelled, but we have to check it out. Captain Mars and I will go back to the site where we found the backpacks and do a four point search from there. Everyone stay in radio contact. At the first sign of trouble, let us know your position, otherwise, we won't be able to help you. Good luck." Sergeant Jansen ended his speech. Teyla and Dr, Graber headed off in silence. Both walked fast, trying to cover as much territory as possible on their last day of the search. Teyla was disappointed that the rescue effort was being called off so early, but she could understand. As a leader, she too was often faced was though choices and she knew that Atlantis didn't have many resources to squander and that the manpower was needed in the City, Still the loss of Dr. McKay, Sergeant Bates and his team would not only be grieved deeply, but would also be felt in the City. All those individuals had been vital contributions to the life of the City, they would be missing in the framework then. Dr. McKay would be especially missed as a member of the leading staff and the Chief Science Officer on Atlantis.

The path the two women followed got more obscured and overgrown as it gentle rose over the following hours. The sun climbed on the horizon, driving up the temperature. When they took a brief rest around lunch time, Dr. Garber spoke: „Do you really think we will find them?" She sounded exhausted and worn. Her face was red and her hair was hanging in her face.

„I don't know. But as long as there is a change that we might find them, we have to try. There are part of our community."

„Sorry, it's just, the jungle is so huge and we have been on our feet for days and we have found nothing. It never seems to end." Dr. Garber suddenly sounded like she was on the verge of crying.

Teyla shot her a sharp look and put a finger to her lips. She had heard something in the distance. Her trained hearing told her that it was not the sound of an animal.

Dr. Graber didn't get the message. She looked hurt. „What did I do now? I'm really sorry. It's my first mission away form the city and I really didn't want to go." She put her head into her hands.

„Be silent. There is someone." Teyla hissed.

There was another crack, closer to them, a rustling of leaves. Teyla got up from the stone she was sitting on an s spun around into the direction the noise was coming from.

The split second she saw the dark figure emerge from between the trees, she pulled the trigger of her P90. In the background, Dr. Garber screamed. Teyla was about, the move towards her fallen enemy, when a sharp sting in her lower chest caught her attention. Dread filled her when her eyes fell in a feathered dart sticking in her vest. By the pain, she could tell that it had penetrated her skin. A wave of cold washed through her. She wanted to call of Dr. Garber, who was a medic after all, but before she could make a sound, she was drowned by another wave of cold and darkness.

* * *

Carson was miserable. He was off the painkillers and every breath hurt. He tried to sleep, between the pain and the itching and stinging of the burns hidden beneath the bandages, it was in impossible endeavour. Dr. Woods had satisfied his curiosity in so far, as that she had informed him about his own injuries with the amount of detail that she knew he would want. Although it hadn't make him feel better, knowing what was going on with him, had given him considerable peace of mind, however the events that had led to his injuries were still blotted from his memories. Dr. Woods and his seemingly ever present visitor Radek had been very tight lipped about what exactly had happened in the infirmary. Carson had gathered as much that he had been attempting the experimental treatment on John and that something must have gone wrong, very wrong. The device had blown up, causing injuries to everyone in the infirmary at that time. Luckily there had been no fatalities. That was the maximum of detail that he could get so far. The only other thing Radek had said repeatedly was that it had been his fault, that he had not foreseen that an explosion could happen. Carson's memory on the entire procedure with all its details was not perfectly clear so he said nothing for the moment, but as far as he remembered, there was never supposed to be any transfer of energy to the device, at least not in any amount that would make an explosion possible. But that could wait until later.

„Radek!" Carson whispered, not wanting to strain his voice. Radek sat in the chair some distance away, reading a worn looking copy of a journal. When Carson spoke, he put down his reading material and scooted closer.

„Are you all right?"

„Yes, yes, I'm all right. Any news on John?"

„Dr. Woods is not allowing any visitors. Only Dr. Weir gets updates on his condition. But if there was something new, she would tell people, I think."

Carson was about the reply when the door opened and Kavanaugh strode in. Both he and Radek stared at the unexpected visitor in surprise.

„Radek, you have to hear this. Dr. Weir was just over at the lab and she…"

„Now is not the time." Radek interrupted him. „Whatever it is, it can wait."

„No, you don't understand, it can't wait. I've been promoted to be the new head of the science department." Kavanaugh didn't sound happy in spite of the news. Radek just nodded, while Carson stared at Kavanaugh, taken aback by what he had just heard.

„How, what happened?" He stuttered, I thought you were in charge of the science teams Radek."

„It's all right, Carson. Congratulations Calvin. You should be happy about your promotion." Radek said in an empty voice as he rose from his chair.

„Stop! I'm not happy!" Kavanaugh shouted to everyone's surprise. „I want to know what's going on. Everyone knows why MacKay left and it was no shock it anyone that you got his job. But what's going on now? I envied you for the job, but I was enough of a realist to know that Weir would never give the position to me."

„MacKay is not the only one who made mistakes."

„Radek, if you made a mistake, then I have made a mistake as well. If there is anything I need to stand up, tell me." Carson entered the conversation, now genuinely concerned that there was more going on beneath the surface that he had initially thought. With his memory still impaired, he had to rely on what his colleagues told him to judge his actions in matters of the recent past. He desperately needed to get out of bed and back to his office. His notes and personal diary entries would held shed some light on where he had gone wrong.

* * *

Rodney had lost all feeling of time. In the darkness of the cave, the passing of the day and night went without notice, the only sign of the time passing at all was the daily swelling of the thin rivulet of water flowing downwards from the mouth of the cave. Rodney was cowering at the border of the small like, most of the time, he was dozing, his thoughts drifting far away from his predicament, reliving happier times. Sometimes, he was back on Earth, in the comfort of his home, classical music floating through the air, lying on the bed with his cat next to him. But most of the time, he was with John. He revisited past missions and times of victory as well as small moments in time that others had probably long forgotten. Smiles, casual touches, jokes, teases. His thoughts swirled around John as he hung on to life down.

* * *

Teyla awoke to strange but harmonic music. It was very different to the music of the Atlantians and also different from anything she had ever heard on Athosia. The mixture of bells, pipes and rustling sounds drifted to her from some distance and she gradually came awake. As her senses returned she noticed that she couldn't move. Her wrists were tied to something above her head, while her ankles were tied to the end of the makeshift bed that she was lying on. Looking down on herself, she noticed that she was no longer wearing her uniform, but a brown, long dress.

„Thank God, you're awake." Dr. Graber's voice came from the side. „I wasn't sure whether the poison that was on the dart was going to be harmful. They gave you something after they brought us here, possible a counteragent. How do you feel?"

„I feel all right. Where are we?" Teyla twisted her head to see Dr. Garber sit tied up in a corner of the room.

„Some sort of native village. After you were shot down, more natives came and dragged both of us off to their village. I don't understand their language." She shook her head.

„Where did they take our things?" Teyla questioned.

„I don't know. They took all your things and my weapons, but didn't take my radio. I don't think they know what it is. I already radioed Sergeant Jansen and gave him the details about our situations, as far as I knew them at the time," Dr. Garber explained, seeming much calmer now, than she had seemed earlier in the forest. Teyla wondered how differently humans seemed to react to pressure. Teyla just wanted to ask for the radio and update their commander, when one of the natives strode into the small room where they were being held. Without a word, the native woman cut Teyla lose and escorted her out of the room.

The bright sunlight outside blinded Teyla after she had been in the dim room. The native woman kept a firm grip on her as she walked her across what seemed like the village square. They arrived in front of the largest hut, which was abundantly decorated with flowers and greens. Her escort pushed Teyla down to her knees before she shouted something in her native language. Teyla was tempted to look, but she soon as she raised her head, she received a firm smack on the back of her head. After a lengthy exchange of alien words, she was yanked to her feet. A man in his sixties was standing mere feet from her, raising her chin. Normally Teyla would have fought the gesture, but from the corner of her eyes she notes the sizeable audience and grudgingly went along with what was happening. The man, whom she easily recognized as the Chief of the village, seemed pleased with what he was seeing. Another brief debate later, the woman who had brought Teyla to the Chief's hut left again with the Athosian in tow, this time, a smile of anticipation plastered on her face.

* * *

Bates was miserable. God, he hated the jungle. How much further could it be? It had been two days ago when he and Stackhouse had found the trampled path. They had followed it ever since, hoping it would lead them to the Stargate. They had managed to flee the natives when they were attacked days ago, but had then been lost in the maze of trees. Food and water had not been a problem, but finding home had been. It was sheer luck that they had found the path after days of erring around. At least it seemed to be fairly well travelled. At night they had hidden in the underbrush, afraid that they natives that had attacked them at their first encounter would come back. But so far they had been lucky.

Bates wiped his forehead. Although it was past midday and the heat was no longer at its maximum, the combination of huge temperature ad humidity was still oppressive made he air itself seem heavy. The view of the sky was obscured by the canopy, but it was soon time for the daily rain. Bates hated this the most about the jungle climate. With the constant high humidity, their clothes never tried completely. The worst was walking in wet boots day after day.

As if his thoughts had provoked it, at this moment the rain started failing. The raindrops loudly hit the leaves above them.

„Sir, it looks like we might be able to find shelter up there." Stackhouse yelled from behind.

Bates squinted ahead. The heavy rain obscured his vision, but he saw dark rock between the all the green vegetation.

„All right, let's go for it."

Both soldiers broke into a run.

* * *

Rodney was woken by voices coming from the far end of the cave. At first he feared that the natives were back and were going to kill him if they didn't find his dead body. He pulled his legs closer and fervently hoped that they would go this far into the cave to come looking for him. But when familiar words came through to him, it became clear that it wasn't the natives in the cave.

„That's creepy. You think it's some kind of cemetery in here?" one voice said.

„Could be. I'm no anthropologist. But to me it looks more like they just dumped the bodies." this voice sounded annoyed and familiar.

Home, this was his chance. If only he could alert them to his presence. They were to far away for him to simply move up to them. Rodney was weak and any movement was slow and painful was his band wrists and ankles. So he tried to shout.

„Hey. Somebody help!"

That's what he wanted to say. But instead of a shout, all he managed was a scratchy whisper. He tried again, outing all his energy into it, getting to his knees.

„Help!" He needed to do this. They had to hear him. They couldn't just walk away and leave him here to die.

The mirror was dull, not nearly as clear as the one's they had on Atlantis. Teyla sceptically eyes herself in the polished metal plate. A horde of local women had descended upon her after her return from the chief's hut. News had spread fast. The local women had gotten out their best dresses and had decorated their hair with flowers. In the dull mirror Teyla could only guess what her hair looked like. It was pinned up somewhere on the top of her head, with white and blue flowers tucked in between the strands of hair, matching the blue dress that she was wearing. She hadn't seen Dr. Garber again since leaving the room she had woken up in and could only hope that as her companion she was being treated well, too.

Once she was all dressed up, Teyla was led outside. The village square was filled with people now, all of them waiting for her and the Chief's family as it appeared. Teyla didn't have any choice, She hoped that Sergeant Jansen and the rest of the team would be there seen before the marriage ceremony or what the local equivalent was turned serious. But her hopes were shattered. The feast came and went with no sign of the Atlantians. Teyla was slightly alarmed when she didn't see Dr. Garber at the meal and made a mental not to check on her later. After the meal was finished and the dished had been carried away. A small procession left the village, led by who Teyla presumed were the Chief's sons. Teyla committed to path to memory as they walked for about an hour through the jungle until they arrived at a small waterfall. Crossing the waterfront, the oldest son of the Chief, stepped behind the waterfall in what must be a cave behind it. After about a minute, he came back, drenched with water, but carrying two small objects wrapped in fabric. Teyla watched him intensely, but her attention was turned back to the commencing ceremony. Once again, she was pushed to her knees as an opening prayer begins. The words are foreign, but the gestures resemble the ceremony she knows from her homeland. But with one marked difference, for her people, both husband and wife have a say in the matter, the wife is not kneeling next to the husband, not saying a word during the entire ceremony. Teyla forced herself to stay calm as hard as it was. She did not easily submit to the will of others, but this was inevitable. They had to wait for the others to come to their rescue or to wait for an opportunity for escape. Until then, they had to play along. Her knees hurt from kneeling on the solid rock when she was finally allowed to get up again. Her now-husband, whose name she doesn't even know, pulls her into a hug and kissed her firmly. Teyla reciprocated without feeling. After he lefts her go, the oldest son hands her the wedding gifts. The two objects he retrieved earlier. Indignities forgotten, Teyla unwrapped them curiously. It's a necklace with an hexagonal pendant of dark grey metal and blue stone and a armband of similar design, the same metal, the same stone. The armband has letters carved in it that Teyla immediately recognized. Letters of the Ancients.

* * *

Carson's frown deepened when he closed one of Atlantis' more secret documents, or at least so it appeared. He wasn't out of the infirmary yet, but he was fit enough to get out of bed for a bit. Once he had been sure that he was steady on his legs, his first destination had been John's room. Then he had asked Dr. Woods for the medical report on his condition. When she had refused to give it to him, he had asked Dr. Weir for the report, knowing that she had gotten a copy. Without a word, she had given it to him. Guilt had been written all over her face, when he had dragged himself up to her office. Radek, Elizabeth, everyone was blaming themselves, when he had the feeling that it was all his fault, after all he had it the idea. All he had wanted to do was help John. What he had done was hurt people. It was a painfully familiar scenario. Not for the first time had his good intentions gone dangerously wrong. This time he had not harmed a love, but a good friend. He had read Dr. Woods report twice now, and every word was damning to his ears. John had been alive, happy and responsive to his environment. Maybe Rodney had been right by not getting inv9lved with the treatment. Now, John was lying unmoving in a hospital bed, depending on a respirator. There was little hope, no brain activity was registering. Short of a miracle, nothing could help John now. Although his own memory had started to come back in fragments, he recalled starting the treatment and John suddenly lunging at him. Having seen the bruises on his throat in the mirror had triggered the memory of the near choking, but the details of what had happened afterwards remained murky. He recalled gunshots and had also obtain an incident report from doctor Weir and knew that John had gotten his hands on a gun and had wounded one of his nurse with a gunshot wound to the arms, as well has had fired a shot into the device, causing the explosion and subsequent fire that nearly brought down the entire section. The report mentioned one interesting detail. The nurse, Kylie Morgan was sure that right before aiming at the device, John had said the phrase. „It's time to end it." Carson could neither confirm nor deny this, he had been there, but at the time, a gun had been pointed at him, his attention had been elsewhere. But that would suggest that the treatment would have worked, it least initially. Whoever something must have caused John to destroy his link with the alien device. If he had even been acting with any human ration logic. He had been brain damaged to some extend before and there was only that much they could predict. Not that it mattered anymore. There was no more hope. They were just keeping him alive now.

* * *

The scent was so sweet that it was sickening. Dozens of candles were burning in the huge, round room. A sizable 'bed' dominated the space. The bed reminded Teyla of the beds of her youth, when her people had been constantly on the run from the Wraith. It was a palate on the floor, its basis a rough mattress covered by furs and woven sheets. Teyla found all her sense acutely heightened as she watched her husband stride across the room. In a corner, on a a large flat stone stood a covered container that vaguely resembled a carafe. He took off the lid and poured a thick yellow liquid into a mug. He then proceeded to offer to mug to her. Teyla was clearly supposed to drink its contents. She suspected nothing good. Although these people were too primitive too posses the advanced pharmaceuticals that the Atlantians had at their disposal, simple plant extracts could also harbour potent properties. She doubted the Chief would want to poison her, but in drinking the mugs contents, she risked very well being inebriated losing controls of the very tenuous situation. It was her wedding night and she was very certain of what was being expected her of her now. Maybe the Chief interpreted her hesitance as shyness and wanted to help her relax. When she lingered and didn't drink, the Chief took her hand firmly and guided her hand, raising the mug to her lips. Teyla's mind was racing. She could fight the Chief and even without a weapon she was certain to defeat him, but the entire village stood behind him and they were only two against an unknown number of hostiles. It wouldn't work. But the only other option would be the give in and lose control. But it would buy them time until the rest of the team arrived and their chances for a successful escaped increased at least marginally. Among her people, marriage was for life, but the ceremony of this people was not binding, the proper rule of her people had not been observed, the binding vows had not been exchanged, It was meaningless to her. But once she had sex with this man, she would seal their marriage. It was the final of the marriage vows. It had happened that Athosian had had sex before they were married, but always marriage followed sex. So the tradition demanded it. She would be bound by it as well. But she didn't have any choice. She was going to be saving lives, possible hers, Dr. Garber's and those of her team mates.

Teyla drank from the mug. The juice was sweet and taste vaguely like the Atlantian lemon jello.

_TBC_


	6. Out in the Night

Disclaimer see Chapter 1

* * *

Eternities passed and nothing happened, nobody came to him, nobody had heard him.

„Help! Please help!" even to his own ears his voice sounded thin and weak. Frustrated and energized by desperation he struggled against his bonds and moved forwards on the rough ground. The uneven rock tore the fabric of his uniform, slashing into his already infected leg. Blinding white pain blotted out all his sensed and took over all his thoughts. Rodney never heard the strangled cry of pain that escaped him when the razor-sharp rock cut into his skin.

Bates and Stackhouse had been keeping to the front of the cave, not wanting to disturb the burial ground that lay deeper inside the cave. All those considerations were overridden when a very alive scream came from inside the cave. Barely taking the time to get out his flashlight, Bates stumbled forwards, trying to move as fast as possible between slick, wet rock and human remains. Stackhouse followed close behind. Although the face was streaked with dirt and screwed up in pain, the two soldiers recognized the man on the ground in front of them as soon as the light from the flashlight fell on his features.

„MacKay, are you all right?" Bates kneeled down next to the scientist.

„No, my leg. "Rodney hissed between pained gasps.

„Stackhouse." Bates started, but the other man was already using his knife to cut through the rope that had kept Rodney prisoner for so long. Even in the poor illumination that the flashlight provided, Bates had no trouble seeing that Rodney's leg looked bad. The cut was probably the least of Rodney's problems. Although it bled profusely, it would probably heal on it's own. But the entire leg, as far as the cut pants exposed it, looked horrible. It was swollen, the skin was blotchy bright red and purplish, blistered and flaking off in places. MacKay wasn't going to walk on that leg. Not through the jungle.

„Doc, do you think, you can sit up against the wall for a while?" Bates asked. When he got a mumbled reply that he interpreted as a 'yes', he shifted Rodney carefully towards the wall and then angled him upwards. Rodney didn't protest the movement, he even made an effort to help, in spite of being clearly weakened, by whatever had happened to him since Bates and Stackhouse had seen him last. Bates' training demanded that he knew, information was vital to controlling the situation, but sometimes, giving a wounded man his rest was just the decent thing to do.

* * *

Sergeant Jansen and who remained of his team were lying in wait at the outskirts of the alien village. It had taken the commanding officer longer than he had liked to assemble his men and head to the coordinates that Dr. Garber had transmitted to them. In the meantime night had fallen and had slowed them down further. But the darkness also provided excellent cover and so far, they had avoided detection by the villagers

The villagers didn't seem at all concerned about potential enemies. A wild party seemed to be in full swing. From their vantage point, Jansen could hear music, singing and intermitted laughter. Were they celebrating the capture of the off-worlders?

„I have Dr. Garber's coordinates worked out. She must be just at the edge of the village. This hut on the edge here." Captain Mars handed the night vision goggles to the sergeant.

„Are you sure?"

„Definitely, sir. I've got the eye for it." Mars replied with confidence.

Jansen scanned the area around the hut.

„I can't see any guards or anyone around for that matter. Mars, you and Masters are going in there. Do not use force unless absolutely necessary. We don't want to be noticed just yet."

„Yes, sir." The two captains left their hiding place and approached the village. They moved swiftly towards the hut that Mars had pointed out earlier. They didn't encounter anyone on their way. Silently, they entered the hut. The inside wasn't illuminated; it was just as dark as outside. In the corner, a slumped figure was huddled against the wall. The head was bowed, but the two soldiers recognized the familiar uniform and the long hair of the Atlantian medic. Captain Masters shook her shoulder. With a start, her head shot up, eyes wide open. Dr. Garber stared at the two men in front of her. She looked like she was going to say something, but remained silent. Instead, she looked up to her hands which were still tied to the wooden logs that comprised the wall of the hut. Mars quickly cut the bonds with his knife.

„Where is Teyla?" he whispered.

„I don't know. They took her early today. I haven't seen her since."

* * *

There was actually a dry spot in the cave. After thorough searching, Stackhouse had located it. Now, they had settled there to treat Rodney's injuries as best as possible under the conditions. While he had been sitting up, Stackhouse had been able to convince him to drink the dissolved contents of one of the oral rehydration solutions from the medkit as well as take a few bites of a protein bar.

Rodney had been uncharacteristically silent through everything so far, aside from the occasional pained groan when he had been requested to move, he had not even complained. It appeared almost as if he wasn't really there at all. Even now, he was leaving against the rock wall, staring ahead dully while bates was looking through the med kit for what to use on Rodney's leg. They had hoped that the cut would stop bleeding on its own since they were not sure whether bandaging would do all the blisters and flaking skin very good, but now they had no choice. Rodney had taken some Tylenol earlier but it didn't seem to be helping any. Bates stripped off his jacket and folded it into a bundle.

„Come on doc, lie down. We'll take care of that leg of yours." he said more cheerfully then he felt. Bates knew that his bedside manner sucked. But he was a sergeant and not a medic, after all. When Rodney didn't react, he grabbed the other man's arm and let him over, pushing him to the floor. When Rodney turned his face to him, he notices with concern how unfocussed Rodney's gaze was. It was as if he was looking right through him. Rodney stumbled forwards. Suddenly a scream echoed through the cave. Rodney was cowering on the ground, tears in his eyes.

„Doc?"

„Can't…put...weight...on it. Broken." Rodney had snapped back to reality for the time being.

„You broke your leg, too. We didn't you tell us?"

„Wasn't broken before, …just felt. bones snap." he answered still panting with pain.

„Okay, take it easy. Try to lie down. We'll give you something for the pain. If it's broken we'll have to splint it. I'm not going to lie, it's going to hurt, a lot. I think it's best if we give you the morphine now."

As soon as Bates had said it, Rodney felt the sting of the injection needle.

* * *

Teyla felt fuzzy. Suddenly she was in the arms of her husband and her legs wouldn't carry her anymore. Willingly she let him lead her to the large bed, grateful to be able to sit down. Everything was bathed in a golden light and the glow of the candles seemed to radiate mysteriously. She stared at them, drawn in by their shine and frighten at the same time. She hardly felt the hands that gently pressed her down onto the bed and started to undress her.

The singing and the music from outside filtered into the room and Teyla started humming in tune with the flutes and cymbals. Like the waves of an ocean, the music flowed through her carrying her away from the present. She didn't hear as her husband whispered sweet words to her in a language she didn't understand as he stripped her of her blue bridal dress. Once she was naked, he started undressing as well. Lost in anticipation of his wedding with his latest wife, the Chief was suddenly jolted back in the reality when and explosion, more powerful than anything he had ever heard, sounded outside, followed by panicked screams. Cursing, he dressed and stormed outside, his bride forgotten in light of the threat to his people.

The hand grenade had had the desired effect. They had thrown it had the hut were Dr. Garber had been held to create a diversion. As Sergeant Jansen had hoped, the villagers who had never seen such weapons had panicked when they grenade had detonated and the hut had suddenly burst into flames. The plan now was that Teyla would use the chance to escape. But that wasn't happening. Granted the plan had been a shaky one. There were all sorts of reasons why Teyla might not be able to escape, she might not be able to free herself, or she might even be injured.

Sergeant Jansen knew that it was now or never that they were going to get the Athosian back,

„Mars and Masters, you take a grenade each and throw them at one side of the village. Avoid the huts, we don't want to kill people if we don't have to. But wait for my signal. We need all the diversion we can get, Dr, Garber you are with me."

The team members nodded and hurried into action. Time was of the essence, they needed to make the most of the villagers' confusion.

Dr. Garber was panting as she sped after Sergeant Jansen across the dark village square. It was just exhaustion that made her heart beat frantically. The thought that the enemy could detect them any moment terrified her. Only the fear of falling back into the hands of her captors kept her running through the darkness. Before Dr. Garber could voice her thoughts, Sergeant Jansen came to a stop before the biggest hut of the village. Although it appeared unguarded, he had his weapon ready as he motioned for her to follow him. Dr. Garber's thoughts were racing to the point were she thought she was going to faint as she followed the soldiers through the dark entry way into the hut. She too held her weapon raised, but the Beretta was shaking in her hand and she feared accidentally shooting her commanding officer instead of using the weapon to defend herself against a potential attacker. While outside the blazing fire from the grenades had provided some light in the jungle night, it was completely dark inside the hut. The blackness complete with the heavy, sweet smell that had enveloped them the minute they had stepped inside, made her feel trapped. Every brain cell of hers seemed to scream at her to get out of this place. The walls of the hut appeared to be closing in on her as she followed Jansen towards a curtain that separated the main room from that back part of the hut. She clutched her weapon tighter, her muscles cramping around the handle. The curtain swayed in the wind coming from outside, moving ghostly in front of her. Dr. Garber swallowed, wishing not for the first time that she had not so eagerly volunteered to join the rescue mission. Those of the medical staff who had actually been on missions before were all not fond of it. Dr. Woods had never tested the waters, neither had Dr. Biro. Dr. Beckett had gone on missions before, but everyone knew how little he liked it. And considering how badly his collaboration with the people of Hoff had turned out, he was bound to be somewhat jaded. Besides, as the CMO, his place was in the City.

Sergeant Jansen roughly jerked the curtain back, his P90 at the ready. Behind the curtain was an elaborate room, lit by countless candles, the sickly sweet smell was even more intense there.

They both heard her first. Someone was giggling softly. Jansen and Garber both jerked at the sudden noise, but immediately relaxed when Teyla sat up on the make-shift bed. She was an unusual sight. Her hair was a mess. It was obvious that at one point it had been carefully styled, but it had come partially unravelled and was hanging in her face while there were still remnants of flowers stuck in between the strands. She wore a loopy smile and was giggling madly, amused at their presence. She didn't seem to be aware or didn't seem to care about her current state of undress. Seeing a patient in need of attention, Dr. Garber's mind leapt back to attention, shoving the fear and panic into a distant corner.

„I'll check and make sure we stay alone in here." Jansen announced, obviously wanting to give the women some space. He stepped back out into the main room.

Dr. Garber stepped over to the bed. One look in Teyla's eyes confirmed what she had suspected, her pupils were dilated, she had obviously been drugged. Not seeing her clothes anywhere. She grabbed a decorative piece of cloth from the bed and tied it around Teyla's waist as a skirt. Teyla played along, seeming to be amused by what was happening suddenly. It took more effort to get her into the jacket. It was warm in the jungle, even at night, so, since there was nothing that made a good top, Dr. Garber dressed Teyla in her jacket. Teyla tugged weakly at the fabric, but made no motion to undress again. Dr, Garber cast a last look around the room. They didn't have much time, even with the Sergeant standing guard, the natives would notice their presence eventually. She was just about the leave when she spied the carafe and the cup in a corner of the room. She emptied her canteen on the floor and poured the contents of the carafe into her canteen. Dr. Beckett might need the substance Teyla was drugged with. She took one last look before grabbing the usually so confident Athosian by the arm and leading her out of the room. She had a pretty good idea what had happened in that room, but there was nothing she could do, not now at least.

* * *

For some it might just be another sunrise on another world, but Bates still marvelled as he watched the two suns of the planet rise within half an hour of each other. It was a sight he would never have thought he'd ever see.

Stackhouse and he had decided to stay the night in the cave. It had been a though choice. McKay wasn't doing well and there was nothing they could do for him in the field. He had been drifting in and out of consciousness for the rest of the day and night. Only sometimes, he had been coherent and they had given him another dose of morphine during the night. The sooner they got him back to Atlantis the better. But walking during the night was dangerous. There were animals to worry about and now that they had found Rodney and the burial ground as clear signs of human civilisation, they had to be weary of encountering their attackers again. At night, they'd be even more easily overpowered not knowing the terrain.

Bates went back inside the cave and woke his lieutenant. Then he went to check on Rodney. The scientist had curled up as tightly as possible on the hard rock. The bandage was soaked with blood, a sign that the cut was still not healing. He was no medic, but Bates knew that the injury should not be bleeding for so long. Something was wrong. When he moved to feel Rodney's forehead, the sleeping man stirred.

„John?" he mumbled, his eyes still closed. „am …sorry. I didn't…wanna leave.. alone. …Please…s'rry."

Bates frowned. It was not the first time that Rodney had been talking to an imaginary John. Bates knew how much time Rodney had spent with the major since his accident, as everyone called it, and how only Dr. Weir's orders had brought him on this mission. He would never admit it to anyone, but he felt sorry for Rodney. Dr. Weir should not have forced him to come along on the mission. He doubted she knew to what extent the scientist cared about the welfare of Major Sheppard.

_TBC_


	7. Drawing Closer

Disclaimer see Chapter 1

* * *

„Just leave him in peace. We have done more than enough. I don't think you realize…"

Snippets of angry words drifted over from Beckett's temporary office when Elizabeth approached the semi-opened door. She didn't see who was in there with the normally calm doctor; she could only tell that he was upset.

„That will never work. I'm drawing the line here and now. The major is my patient and there will be no more experimenting going on!" Beckett shouted.

There was a muffled reply, but the voice of the speaker was too low to make out the words. Seconds later, Dr. Zelenka left the room, walking hastily past Elizabeth, failing to acknowledge her presence. She could only guess what the conversation had been about. For a moment she considered postponing her meeting with Carson since she was approaching him on the same subject, but what use was there in prolonging the inevitable. They had to deal with Major Sheppard's condition. Both Dr. Woods and Dr. Beckett had sent her nearly identical reports, saying that there were no chances of recovery for the major from his present condition. He was only still alive thanks to modern technology. It was time to discuss terminating life support with her CMO.

Elizabeth was just about to knock at the door, when her com unit chirped to life. It was Dr. Grodin.

„Dr. Weir? You are needed in the Gateroom. We have a Gate activation, it's Bates' ICD."

„I heard you. Get a full medical team there as well."

„Will do. Grodin out."

Elizabeth sped towards the Gateroom. The rescue team was already twelve hours overdue. It was out of the question to send another team after them, so the only option was to wait. Bates' IDC was unexpected to say the least. She had almost given up hope of ever seeing Bates' team again, as they had been out of contact on an alien planet with possible hostiles for over a week. Anything could have happened in that time.

Elizabeth reached the Gateroom just in time to see the wormhole whooshed into existence. It had hardly formed when Stackhouse came walking through, followed by Bates, who was carrying a slumped figure in a fireman's carry.

„You better set up quarantine. We ran into some bug…" Bates yelled sounding exhausted. He carefully sat down his cargo, almost collapsing to the ground himself in the process. Stackhouse helped him stay on his feet until the medical team, led by Dr. Beckett arrived, outfitted in hazmat suits, ready to deal with an alien contagion.

* * *

„So what's the good news doc?" Sergeant Bates asked when people started leaving the quarantine area that the medical staff had set up on the lower levels of the City.

Beckett walked over to the soldier.

„The good news is that the bug you brought back isn't airborne. You are no danger to anyone here on Atlantis." Beckett rubbed his eyes.

„The bad news?" Bates came straight to the point.

„On the planet you came into contact with an aggressive strain of bacteria that's not known on Earth. So far you and Rodney have developed an infection. A minor scratch on hand got infected."

Only now Bates noticed that his right hand was wrapped in bandages. It must have happened while he was out.

"For now. We have cleaned the wound and started you on antibiotics, but whether that's going to work is anyone's guess. Lieutenant Stackhouse is clean so far, but he will be staying for a while longer until we are sure."

„I understand." Bates answered. There really wasn't much else to say. The medical team was going to do their best in finding a solution.

„Call me or one of the nurses if the pain starts the be a problem. Rodney is in quite serious pain, so you might eventually be as well."

„I'm fine so far. Is Rodney doing okay?"

„He's hanging in there. He hasn't come to yet."

„Listen doc. Do him a favour. Now that you know that we aren't contagious, talk to Dr. Weir and let John visit him. He kept talking about him back on the planet. Thought he was there."

* * *

„Are you sure you have translated this right?" Radek asked the linguist for the third time.

„In my expert opinion, for which you have asked, this is the correct interpretation of the Ancient writing concerning the Ancient device." Dr. Snoek was starting to sound annoyed. As the leader of the linguistics department she wasn't used to having her expertise questioned like this, much less by someone outside her field.

„You are aware that there is already a translation of this material. Someone in my department did one for Dr. McKay." The disdain in her voice made it obvious that she would have rather have been asked to do the translation in the first place.

„I appreciate that you have taken the time to provide me with a second translation in that case." Radek did his best to be polite.

„You must be aware that I know what you are fiddling around with. I purely did the translation as a personal favour. As a fellow scientist I can well understand the pursuit of science for the sake of knowledge. But as scientists we also have a responsibility to use our knowledge wisely. Major Sheppard is the victim of an unfortunate accident with technology that is way beyond our grasp. We should leave his dignity intact." with those words, Dr. Snoek left Radek behind the lab. Now, after he had been demoted, he shared a bigger lab with several scientists. It didn't bother him much, as long as he was left alone to pursue his own research. It was strange, sometimes; he had the feeling that he worked best with Rodney, despite the man's total lack of social skills.

Radek didn't have any idea on how John could be helped, but until he had unlocked all the secrets of the alien device that had started this, entire he would refuse to give up, no matter how grim the prognosis was. Carson might be right that John was beyond the help of Earth medicine, but Ancient technology had much more to offer. They owed it to John to at least search for solutions before giving up on him. He was going to go to talk to Carson again. First of all he wanted to see whether there was any news on Rodney, who thankfully had returned from the planet and then he was going to try and get a the doctor on board to help him with his research.

* * *

They could have shot their way out, but their only options were creating a massacre among a technologically far less advanced race and surrendering, Captains Mars and Masters grudgingly surrendered their weapons to the villagers when faced with a dozens of them armed with spears and poisoned darts. No doubt P90s would have decimated the enemy quickly and any survivors would probably have fled in fear, but the words of their commanding officer were still present in their heads, as well as the purpose of their missions to other planets. To find technology. They only carried weapons to defend themselves.

Unsure whether they had just made the mistake of their lives, the two young men led themselves be led to the middle of the village square, where the rest of their team was already rounded up. Sergeant Jansen was down on the ground, a dart still sticking in his back. The two women were being held by a group of men. Mars and Masters were shoved to the ground next to their commanding officer. The situation was tense. The villagers seemed excited, yet none of them proceeded to do anything with their captured enemies save for guarding them. Smoke from the burning huts contrasted with the distant dawn as time went past and nothing happened. The chattering died down with the arrival of a group of older villagers, the man in the middle could clearly be identified as their leader by the elaborate garb that he was wearing. Without further ado, he walked over to Teyla, ready to take her with him. Mars, having no illusions as to where this was going, leapt to his feet, and before any of the villagers that were guarding them could hold him back, he had jumped between the Chief and Teyla.

„Hey. You're not touching her!" he challenged the other man. When he half expected to be shot down with one of the darts or at least be wrestled to the ground by one of the very well built young villagers, nothing of the sort happened. Instead, a wave of gasps went through the rows of the villagers and they began whispering and pointing to Teyla and Mars. The Chief proclaimed something in a reverend tone and to Mars' surprise; Teyla answered him in the same alien language. She then turned around to face the captain. Only now he noticed that the jewellery she was wearing faintly glowed. She took a step closer to him and the glow intensified. He realised that it had to be Ancient technology. Mars had the Ancient gene, and although he had no extraordinary control over it, it seemed to be enough to activate the necklace and bracelet that Teyla was wearing. She moved to take both off and handed them to him.

„Take them. They believe you are an Ancient because this technology reacts to you. They might let us go."

Mars did as he was told. He felt a bit awkward wearing the somewhat feminine jewellery, but the situation didn't leave much room for sensitivities. When the village elders saw that the jewellery glowed in an electric blue, they stared at him with a mixture of fear and respect. Teyla spoke to them again in what Mars now presumed was the language of the Ancients. After a brief dialogue with the Chief, the men holding Dr. Garber released her and let her have a look at Sergeant Jansen who was still unconscious after having been hit with one of the poisoned darts.

* * *

The white sheets were a clear hint that he was finally back on Atlantis. He had dreamt about the wet, dark cave, but when he had opened his eyes, he had seen a dimly light room and for the first time in days, he had rested comfortably on a dry and soft surface. Glancing around, he had been surrounded by greys and whites. White sheets and bed covers, grey floors, walls and ceiling. A nurse dressed in white busy with another patient across the room. Even the air seemed to be white. It was like he was drifting on a cloud. Keeping his eyes open was a surprising effort and he let them drift closed again. He was safe now, nothing could happen to him. Yet there was something in the back of his mind, nagging at him, telling him that he was forgetting something. He must have fallen asleep, because when he opened his eyes again, Beckett was at his bedside and the comfortable feeling of drifting and whiteness was gone, He was aching, his throat was dry and he was feeling hot.

„Rodney?" Carson leaned closer to him. The image blurred for a moment, then swam back into focus.

„Rodney, can you hear me?"

„Yes." Rodney replied, his voice unsteady. „Hurts" he tried to communicate his misery.

„I know. I had to cut back on your medication to get you as lucid as possible. Do you think you can listen to me?"

John! Do was what had been so important before. How could he have forgotten about John? Carson and his drugs. He must have drugged him quite a bit.

„John. Can I see John? Where is John?"

„You and the others are still under quarantine. You can't have any visitors right now." Carson lied. Rodney wasn't up to hearing about John's condition right now. Not with the news he was about the receive.

„Listen to me Rodney. Your leg is infected with a bacteria from the planet you were on. Was there anything you remember that you came in contact with?"

„No. The water." Rodney wasn't sure. The planet was one endless nightmare that his brain refused to go back to. He didn't want to remember. He wanted to see John and he wanted to go back to sleep where nothing hurt.

„We are having trouble treating you and Sergeant Bates. The bacteria isn't responding to our antibiotics. You might lose the leg. Otherwise we risk the infection spreading the your entire system. Do you understand Rodney?"

„No, you can't do that." Rodney was horrified. „I want to see John." His thoughts went into a jumble as the pain in his body intensified. His throat hurt, but that didn't stop him from screaming. He wasn't conscious of what he was screaming, the raw scream tore from his throat and not even the taste of his own blood stopped him. Only morphine and valium subdued him in the end. Carson looked crestfallen at Rodney's still form and thought back to his conversation with Radek. Maybe he had been too quick to dismiss the scientist's research.

* * *

„They want proof that you can really use the Ancient's technology." Teyla relayed the words of the village Chief to the rest of the team.

„How are we supposed to do that if we don't know what it does?" captain Masters asked.

„Tell him that we need our packs. Sergeant Jansen isn't doing so well, but there is nothing I can do for him without a med-kit." Dr. Garber said with more than just a hint of desperation in her voice.

Teyla proceeded to speak to the villagers then turned back to her team.

„They don't know what the device does and they say that if we are truly the Ancient we should be able to heal without supplies."

„Fuck!" Mars cursed.

„We are screwed all right."

„Maybe not. Come over, Mars. I think I know what the device does." Dr. Garber babbled excitedly. „Teyla was drugged on some alien happy juice, but as soon as you stepped up to her and the device activated she was fine. I think it is a healing device. This could be an incredible discovery."

Captain Mars did as asked and kneeled down next to Sergeant Jansen. At first nothing happened, and then Jansen started to stir.

„Ow" he groaned and tried to sit up.

„Don't move, Sir. Try to stay still. You were hit by a poisoned dart." Dr. Garber instructed and pulled the dart out of the man's back.

„Ow, that hurt. What did you do?" The sergeant sounded much more lively than just a few seconds ago.

„Sorry about that. How are you feeling?"

„Like crap. Thirsty. What happened?"

„Long story. We were captured by the villagers."

„I got that much. Mars and Masters?"

„Captured as well." Dr. Garber replied gloomily, knowing that her CO wasn't going to like the answer.

Jansen sat up, swaying somewhat and it looked like he was going to fall to the ground again and until Dr. Garber supported him. He took the scene in with obvious dislike. The villagers seemed impressed however with the sudden improvement in the conditioned of the downed soldier, taking it was proof with the abilities of the strangers. Teyla was talking to the village elders once again while Mars filled Jansen in and what had happened while he had been unconscious.

* * *

„You see, Dr. Beckett, the texts found with this artefact revel that it imprints on one single user, implying that it stores his or her data. Therefore we can assume that it has part of major Sheppard store on it. We only need a power source now to connect Major Sheppard to the interface again." Radek explained his theory.

„There are a lot of holes in this theory. Who knows whether his brain can handle the interface, from all we know it can't." Carson voiced his concern. „The pervious two times, he collapsed and experienced major seizures."

„I think the crucial point is the sever the connection at the right point which is why we need a human on the other end to directly monitor the process."

„How do you propose we do that?" Carson had to admit that there was more to Radek's theory that he had initially given the man credit for.

„We use the Ancient chairs. They should provide us with the interface necessary to do that."

„Not that I understand much about the Ancient technology, but I thought we didn't have a power source to have both chairs online at the same time." Carson frowned, not sure he was keeping up. He hadn't slept in far too long and time was running out.

„Yes, yes. That is the critical point. We need to take to disconnect the city from main power. According to my calculation we can leave some critical sections such as the infirmary powered, but that will be very difficult to accomplish." Zelenka started scribbling something down on a piece of paper.

„I think the real problem will be getting Dr. Weir to agree to all of this. She has already made her decision." Carson said in resignation, hating to shatter the scientist's enthusiasm. „We are going to turn of life support in less than eight hours."

„Then something must be done before then." Radek looked him in the eyes.

_TBC_


	8. Falling Through

Disclaimer see Chapter 1

* * *

„You said in your own report that Major Sheppard has no prospects of recovery." Dr. Weir reminded Carson.

„I'm not denying what I wrote. All I'm asking you is that you give us more time. Dr. Zelenka has found a possible way to use Ancient technology to help the major. There is nothing to lose and we owe it to the major to try. If there is even a small chance that Radek's theory works, we have to try it." Carson pleaded. Even though he was not convinced that the Czech scientists theory would hold up in practise he had been convinced that it had theoretical value. And as he had just told Elizabeth, John had nothing to lose. His condition being beyond the scope of Earth based medicine, all they could do was try and use Ancient technology.

„I think at this point we have to look at ethical considerations as well. What is the humane thing to do? We know very little about medical uses of the Ancient technology. As far as I know aside from the gene therapy that you developed yourself there has been no medical use of Ancient technology."

„No there hasn't been."

„I cannot decide this right now. I will let you know my decision in a few hours." Dr, Weir declared.

Carson slumped in defeat. It wasn't a loss yet, but he had little hope. If Dr. Weir was taking time to consider the case, she hadn't understood the importance of his case.

He was already half-way out the door when she called him back.

„Carson?"

„Yes?" he turned back to her.

„I know this means a lot to you. He means a lot to all of us. Nobody wants to see him die. But I have to see all sides. I have to see what happened the last time Dr. Zelenka and you tried something like this. People were hurt. You were hurt."

* * *

Carson eyed Rodney, waiting for him to wake from his drugged sleep. He had been fighting with himself, unsure whether it was a good idea to rouse Rodney. But in the end he had decided that Rodney deserved to know and deserved a chance to say good-bye to John in case they couldn't save him. He just hoped that Rodney was going to be lucid enough to process the news. The infection had been holding steady over the last twelve hours, luckily it hadn't gained any more ground, but still it didn't look too good for Rodney or Bates, but at the moment, neither man was in immediate danger of dying.

Rodney twitched and moaned faintly, trying to turn away from the light. Carson mentally dimmed the lights and put a hand and Rodney's shoulder.

„Come on Rodney. Wake up." Carson gently urged.

„No, no. John…"

„Yes, I know you're there. You have to wake up, this is important." Carson nudged Rodney more forcefully this time.

Rodney grunted and opened his eyes. His gaze was unfocussed.

„John?" he mumbled.

„No, it's Carson. How are you feeling?"

„I hurt. Thirsty."

Carson guided a cup to Rodney's mouth and let him take a sip.

„Don't overdo it, you'll only get sick. There, that's enough." he withdrew the cup.

„I had to cut back on your medication for the pain, so that I could talk to you."

„You already said that before." Rodney said, flashing back to the last time he had been awake. „It was a nightmare. A bad dream. You said…"

„No, it wasn't a dream. Rodney listen to me. This is about John."

That got Rodney's full attention. His eyes focussed on Carson.

„I tried a treatment on John while you were gone. It didn't work." Carson paused, unsure how to phrase the rest. He hated this part of his profession.

„John is dying. There is no chance if him recovering. We are going to terminate life support in a few hours. I brought him down here to give you a chance to say good bye."

Rodney didn't make a sound. Carson would have expected him to scream, to rage, to say something, anything, but he remained silent. The only visible reaction was his face twisting in horror as he listened to what Carson had to say. He then opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but closed it again without making a sound.

* * *

The drink tasted vaguely like watermelon. Dr. Garber had been afraid to drink from the cup that one of the Chief's many wives had offered her, but Teyla had told her that the Chief would not dare to poison them.

After they had rested, the Chief had invited them to share his meal. Their status had changed from being captives to being honoured guests. From what Teyla had been able to translate, the tribe had encountered the Ancients at some point in their history and, with their advanced technology, they had developed a mixture of fear and awe for the Ancients. The tribal lore described visions of the Ancients as glowing bodies of light. While the implications of that were fascinating and this planet definitely was worthy of further visits, the team was itching to return to Atlantis. The jungle climate was wearing them down, they hadn't had decent food for days before their arrival in the tribal village and they were now two days overdue. Teyla was trying to diplomatically communicate that they had to leave, but would very much like to become allies and return in the future. The Chief took the news fairly well. The Ancients had business that the mere mortals understood nothing off. He even sent of two of his sons to arrange for farewell gifts for the travellers.

„We very much enjoyed the meal and we appreciate that your people shared it with you. But it is time to leave now." Teyla got up seeing that everyone had finished.

„May we have many more meals together. I understand that your companions have to leave now."

Teyla frowned at his words. She had presumed that she was included in the party that was leaving. She turned to the Chief.

„I have to leave with them. I will be missed by my people, if I don't return with my companions." Teyla tried to make her situation clear.

„Our marriage will be the sign of the union between our people." the Chief declared.

„I understand." Teyla nodded, knowing when to give in. She had dealt with enough leaders in her time trading with other worlds.

„And I am honoured that you have chosen me." Teyla hated herself for speaking those words, but that was the position women were in this tribal society. The Chief got the choice of any woman he wanted to marry. The number of young and beautiful wives he had was testimony to that.

„Still, let me return to my people and bring them the good news." She pleaded. It was not in her nature, but in the end, she would rather bend then be subjected to force.

The Chief considered. He wanted to show himself in the best positive light possible in front of his new allies how were already eyeing him suspiciously.

„You shall do so. Go and inform your people of the good news before you return here."

* * *

Carson didn't actually have time to be down in the chair room with Radek. He was supposed to be in the infirmary watching Rodney or if he wasn't doing that he should be in that lab working on a way to beat the alien bacteria that was eating away at Rodney and Bates. Those were important things. The research into the bacteria might even be vital. Yet, he had elected to spend his time with Radek working on the potential treatment for the major. A treatment that they had not gotten approval for. Elizabeth was still deciding. Carson was pessimistic about the chances of her deciding in their favour. If she really believed that they should give Sheppard that chance then she would have ruled to give them more time long ago.

„I have tested all the connection and can confirm that this chair is in full working order, as far as we understand the Ancient technology of course. There won't be any surprises."

„That's good. There were too many of those the last time around." Carson paced around the room. He was not sure whether he should give the go ahead to this. In the end it depended on him if Elizabeth didn't okay this. Radek was willing to do this one way or another, he had made this clear.

„What is it, Carson? Are you having doubts?" Radek had appeared besides him.

„Yes, frankly I do. Aren't we just experimenting with John?"

„Ah no. We are helping friend. He had got nothing to lose. Stop blaming yourself. You couldn't know what would happen. We owe it to him to do all we can."

„Perhaps you are right. Still, I feel responsible for the state he is in. I pushed the idea and told Dr. Weir it was safe enough to try. I should not have made the recommendation."

„If you feel responsible, should you not also feel responsible to try and help John now?" Radek asked with a smile.

„I guess so. I'm just afraid I'll mess up again."

„We won't. Now we need someone to guide the interface during the procedure and sit in the other chair." Radek looked pointedly at Carson.

„No, I had my share of bad luck sitting in those chairs."

„Who else would it be? I'm sure Rodney would love to do it, but he is very ill, you said so yourself. It has to be someone with the ATA gene who has sufficient control over it. You are a doctor, you'd know what you're doing."

Before Carson could respond, his com unit chirped. It was Elizabeth, requesting that he come to her office.

* * *

John looked like John if one overlooked the respirator. Rodney didn't care. John was going to die and there was nothing he could do about it. He didn't think he could properly process it yet with his drug addled mind. But there was John. Still and pale, dressed in infirmary scrubs just like him. A wave of sadness rolled through him and underneath he felt red hot anger directed at Beckett for taking John away from him. He had said it himself, it had been his treatment that had caused John's state. Rodney frantically tried to think how he could live without John, how he could live with the guilt of having been the ultimate cause of the slow death of a friend. Living with the loss everyday would be his punishment. But why John, he had done nothing to deserve this fate. Why did he have to die like this?

Rodney lost track of time as he mumbled apology after apology to John.

* * *

Less than two hours. Carson could feel the second ticking by one after another. Elizabeth had decided against giving them more time. He hadn't expected it any different really. He had sensed that she didn't believe in what Radek and he were doing when he had spoken to her in the morning.

The dice had fallen. There was no turning back now. He too had made his decision. He was going along with Radek's plan. Even though it meant going against Elizabeth's orders. He was going to face up to that later. For now, only the next two hours mattered. Two hours could be awfully short. Radek was waiting for him and John in the chair room.

It was his task to get John there. He didn't anticipate any problems with that, but he still felt nervous. Carson was normally one to play by the rules. Earlier, right after he had made his choice, he had given Dr. Woods the rest of the day off and he had told Dr. Hendricks to take care of the daily tasks in the infirmary while he was taking care of the patients still kept in the lower levels.

Carson entered the former quarantine zone to find Sergeant Bates dozing in bed, Stackhouse listening to music on his Ipod. Rodney was half sitting, half lying at John's bedside. He must have fallen asleep, refusing to leave his friend's side even as he grew more and more tired. Carson smiled grimly. It would be hardest on Rodney if they couldn't save John. He hadn't told Rodney about the possibility of a treatment because he didn't think that he could handle getting his hopes up on the shaky chance that John might be saved in his present condition. Even Carson had to remind himself that even if they saved John's life, there was no telling in what state he was going to be afterwards.

Gently, he removed Rodney from John's side. Rodney faintly protested but didn't seem to wake fully as Carson wheeled him back to his own bed and lifted him back on it. He took the time to quickly check on Rodney's wound. He didn't like what he saw. While the wound had looked no worse this morning, the discoloration was now spreading further towards Rodney's knee. Concerned, he checked Rodney's temperature and wasn't surprised to find that his fever had risen again. Sighing, he drew blood for another test, hoping that the infection hadn't reached Rodney's system yet.

Everything just seemed to come together that night. He didn't think that Rodney could stand to wait until morning. Waiting the night might kill him if the infection reached his blood, if it hadn't already. He hated that he couldn't do more for his friend. He should have spent more time doing research into a cure for the bacteria. Instead he had been busy working with Radek. There simply hadn't been enough time to do it all. The blood test was going to be done in a bit less than an hour, and then he would know more.

Until then he could still hope. He was about to walk over to the lab, handing in the sample for immediate analysis, when he recalled that the doctor who did the bulk of the lab work on Atlantis was missing off word. What was her name again? Another person who probably didn't deserve what was happened to her, Carson thought grimly. He activated his com and called Dr. Viro down to the lab, asking her to run the tests, as he was busy himself. Radek was probably already asking himself what was taking him so long.

TBC


	9. At the Gates

Disclaimer see Chapter 1

The ground was moving, making his head spin and his stomach lurch. There were footsteps and voices erupting around him in an irregular pattern, fading in and out. Rodney wanted to tell them to make the moving stop, wanted to tell them that it was making him sick. He tried to but his voice wouldn't work right. His throat was too dry, parched like he hadn't had anything to drink in years, in fact he couldn't recall the last time he had had anything to drink. He tried again, but all he produced was a small croak.

Whether in response to the sound he'd made or not, the motion of the ground suddenly stopped. The unexpected jolt sent a wave of pain through him, that made him dig his fingers into the soft sheets to prevent himself from crying out.

„It's going to be all right, Dr. McKay. Try to relax." A soft, female voice said above him. He could feel a cloth touching his face.

Suddenly there was a hand on his arm. The touch burned like fire, searing through his skin, down to his bones. This time, Rodney screamed. The scream echoed in his ears even when his voice had long given out and he was left with the taste of blood in his mouth. He had to get away from those people. Rodney tried to turn, but another pair of hands held him down. A toneless scream ripped through him, blood dripping from his open mouth. Sentence fragments drifted through to him, devoid of any meaning. All that counted was to get away from the pain of being touched.

„Hold him down! He's only going to hurt himself."

Rodney fought to escape the hold with all his strength.

„Ow! Damn!" Rodney's fist had connected with something soft.

„Nurse!"

„...restraints…don't care…"

„...Haloperidol 3mg IV now!"

„...down his arms."

Suddenly his arms were fixed by his side, no matter how hard he fought. His back arched with pain.

„...no choice, …have to go into surgery…"

No, no, no. This was bad. Even worse than the pain. Something screamed in Rodney's head.

* * *

„What happened to your face?" Radek asked astounded as Carson entered the chair room.

Carson's face was swollen, he had a handkerchief pressed to his still bleeding nose and there was clearly a large bruise spreading on the left side on his face. There was still blood on his lab coat. He looked like he had been in a fight.

„It's not important. Are you ready?"

„Yes. Are you sure you don't want anyone else here? It might be safer for both of us if one of the medical staff were here if you are going to be sitting in the other chair." Radek decided to let Carson's non-answer to his question slide. They had more important things to do. He was more concerned with what they were about to do. Although he had suggested that Carson be the one to control the procedure from the other chair, he didn't quite feel comfortable going ahead without any medical personnel present.

„No, I'm not going to drag anyone else into this. If it goes wrong, I won't bring down any of my staff." Carson said. „It's my responsibility that we are doing this. Without my authorisation John wouldn't be here."

Carson indicated their patient. Carson had brought him up from the former quarantine zone under the pretence of returning him to the make-shift infirmary. As the CMO he hadn't been questioned.

„If something goes wrong, don't try to take the blame for me." Carson said in a serious tone. „You have taken enough blame for me already." Carson referred to the events in the infirmary.

„I won't I promise." Radek reassured his friend. „But it won't come to that."

„How can you be so sure?"

„I can't afford not to be." Radek shrugged it. „Dr. Weir expects you in the infirmary with John in seventy minutes, we need to start."

„You're right." Carson said, walking over to John, checking the monitors. As expected nothing had changed. There was no measurable brain activity. They could go ahead. 'John, I'm so sorry that we are doing this to you. But Radek and I believe that you have a chance to live. I got medicine because I wanted to help people. Sounds simple enough, doesn't it. But later, I got fascinated by research. The discovery of the ATA gene and the development of the gene therapy have been two of the most exciting things of my life. I'm afraid that I'm getting carried away by my fascination with Ancient technology, instead of wanting the best for you. But on the other hand, we all owe it to you to do all we can to try and save you. Good luck John! I'll see you when I see you.'

Carson mentally spoke to John what he wished he could tell him in person. He wheeled him over to the chair where Radek was already waiting. It took both of them to lift John over to the chair and secure him with six-point restraints. They wanted to prevent a recurrence of their last attempt at treating John with the alien device. This time everything was made more complicated by the fact that John still depended on the respirator. They had had no chance but the transport all the necessary equipment with them.

The chair had lit up the moment John had been placed in it, but nothing had happened. The chair was obviously waiting for mental input from the user but nothing was forthcoming. Luckily the chair had it's own power source, so Atlantis command had not detected the activation. It would be trickier with the other chair. In order to operate it, Radek would have switch off power to the majority of Atlantis.

„Any change?" Radek asked, as Carson peered at the monitors giving him indications of John's condition.

„Yes. All his basic vitals have dropped significantly and are still dropping." Carson sounded alarmed.

„Not good?" Radek picked up on the tone of voice of the doctor.

„No, not good. I'd say that he was dying. Help me get him back on the bed!" Carson commanded.

Suddenly something beeped. At first, both of their heads flew to the monitors, but they were silent. The beeping continued as they looked at the monitors in confusion until Radek pulled a box-like object from his pocket.

„This is fascinating!" he exclaimed, his face almost literally lighting up. „He is emitting an incredible amount of energy. This should be impossible! Look at this, Carson." He thrust the scanner towards Carson.

The numbers and squiggly lines meant nothing to Carson. What did mean something to Carson were the dropping vitals that he could see at the screen next to John.

„This is more important. He will die if we don't get him out of this chair." Carson yelled at Radek.

„No, he isn't dying. I think he is going to ascend!" Radek yelled back.

* * *

Dr. Grodin started at his screen in disbelief. There was a sudden energy surge more powerful than a naquada generator coming from inside Atlantis. It had suddenly been there, from one moment to the next, and it was increasing steadily. 

He tapped the button to activate his com.

„Dr. Weir, this is Dr. Grodin. There is something you should see."

„I'm on my way." Elizabeth replied curtly.

Grodin punched a few keys and scanned for life signs, trying to detect to detect an alien presence in the City that might account for the sudden energy built up. There were two life signs down in the chair room. Unfortunately there was no way of telling who it was. But the total of life signs in the City didn't add up to more than the number of residents there should be. In fact, accounting for everyone who was currently of world, there was even a life sign missing. Puzzled, Grodin instructed the computer to rescan the City.

„What's going on?" Dr. Weir emerged from her office and headed straight for him.

„There is an energy built up in the chair room. I have no idea where it is coming from. I tried to scan for life signs. It seems like there are two of our people down there. We are short one life sign already."

Grodin looked like he wanted to continue. But Elizabeth cut him off,.

„We might have lost someone already. Give the alarm to evacuate that sector. There shouldn't be anyone down there, but just in case."

„Done." Grodin replied a few second later.

„What can you tell me about this energy built up. Could it be similar to the energy creature we encountered last year?"

„I don't think so. It's giving off energy at a growing rate and it is not moving, I think it's safe to say that we are dealing with something different here."

Elizabeth thought for a second. She hated situation like this, but as a leader she had to make the though calls.

„Seal the chair room." She ordered Grodin. She was aware that her order might condemn to of her people, but if she could save the rest of the City, the trade would be worth it.

She switched on her com unit.

„Sergeant Forsythe, this is Dr. Weir. Assemble your team and head down to the chair room. We have a situation down there. The room has been sealed off. There is a possibly hostile presence inside with two of our people. I want you and our team to secure the area and await further orders."

„Yes, ma'am." The sergeant currently in charge of security until Bates recovered replied.

Several tense minutes passed until the Gate suddenly came to life. All stared at it.

„I have an IDC coming through. It's Sergeant Jansen's."

„Well, open the Gate." Elizabeth ordered tersely. Too much was happening at once. „Contact the infirmary, they have been overdue for almost three days on a planet with where two of our people have been exposed to a dangerous bacterium. We need a medical team."

The Gate finished dialling and its deadly vortex spilled into the Atlantis Gateroom. Seconds later five travellers stepped through the watery disc. Sergeant Jansen was more dragged than walking; he was supported by captains Mars and Masters. At least Teyla and Dr. Garber were on their feet, although Teyla seemed to have lost her uniform at some point along the way.

Dr. Weir stepped down to greet them, when Mars called out for a medical team for his fallen CO. Elizabeth looked around, she had assumed that Dr. Beckett and his team would be there already, since Grodin had called them.

„Where is the medical team?"

„Drs. Viro and Woods are preparing for surgery and can't delay and Dr. Beckett isn't responding on his radio." Grodin replied. „The nurse I reached said she's send one of the field medics."

„I don't need a medical team. I'm fine." Sergeant Jansen sat up. „I just need a meal, a shower and some sleep. Mars healed me with that Ancient artefact."

„He healed you?"

„Yes, long story. The natives, a strange pack, first Teyla got married and the rest of us was supposed to get killed, but then we ended up being friends, had this Ancient device that can heal. It's not perfect. I still feel a bit off, but it saved my life back on the planet. Captain Mars and his alien gene made it work. Did a great job to impress the natives." Jansen gave a somewhat jumbled summary.

„Wow. And you have this artefact?" Grodin asked.

„Yes, the natives gave it to us. They didn't realize what it does. They couldn't use it anyways, they don't have the gene."

„Well done, Sergeant. Now, I suggest that you all get to the infirmary. Dr. Beckett has discovered that there is an aggressive bacterium on the planet you just came from. He'll want you to be tested. So far Dr. McKay and Sergeant Bates have been infected. But it is not contagious and from what Dr. Beckett has told me, only attack already present wounds." Elizabeth reassured them.

„While you are there, you can take the Ancient artefact down to the infirmary as well. It should be studied by the medical department first, considering it's purpose."

_TBC_


	10. Ends and Means 1

Disclaimer see Chapter 1

* * *

The exhausted rescue team left the Gateroom and made its way down to the former quarantine zone. They were all worn and tired. Sergeant Jansen was on the brink of falling over, but he was insisting on walking to the infirmary under his own power. Still, Dr. Garber kept a close eye on him, in case he was not as well as he claimed. She was still not convinced that the healing device they had acquired provided a total cure. It seemed to have gotten rid of the drug in Teyla's system effectively, but in the more severe case of their CO, there were remaining effects of the poisonous dart.

The discovery of the artefact could revolutionize what they knew about medicine and biology in general. So far they had only been able to speculate about how the ancient ability to heal worked, they had never been able to study it. Now, they would have this chance. She eyed her team-mates. They all looked like they needed a shower and at least a week of sleep, but they were holding up all right. Including Teyla. Dr. Graber couldn't imagine the horror she must have been through. She was probably still in shock.

Indeed, Teyla bore only the vaguest resemblance to her usual self. Her hair was in a tangled mess, pieces of leaves sticking in it. It was evident that aside from the daily rains, it hadn't been washed in a while. Dr. Garber's uniform jacket was too wide for Teyla who was thinner than Dr. Garber. The make-shift skirt used to be off-white was stained with dirt, having taken on a green-brown mottled pattern.

Only her straight posture and graceful motions were unchanged by the horrendous trek through the jungle. They seemed to only have slowed down her movement. Dr. Garber could not help but marvel at that, she was too well aware of the slouch of her own shoulders, but lacked even the energy to straighten her back.

Finally, after what had seemed like a kilometre long stretch of corridor, they reached the former quarantine zone. The main room was strangely empty. They were mid way in when a nurse walked up to them.

„Sergeant Jansen. " She nodded to the leader. „The Gateroom informed us that you would be coming. We are trying to reach Dr. Beckett, he should be here shortly. In the meantime, I suggest you lie down over here. The rest of you can sit over by the wall. "

The nurse guided Jansen over to an exam table and helped him out of his jacket and boots. Jansen groaned. His head was hurting fiercely and the wound in his back where the dart had hit him felt like a sword had impaled him. All he wanted was for Beckett or any doctor to arrive and fork over the drugs.

"If Beckett isn't here, aren't there other doctors that can treat us?" he asked grumpily.

"I'm afraid not. Drs. Woods and Viro are getting ready for surgery right now. I could see if Dr. Hendricks can get down here, but I think he's on duty in the temporary infirmary." The nurse shrugged and went back to her desk.

* * *

"We have cleared the entire area, the sector is secure. Awaiting your orders, ma'am." Sergeant Forsythe spoke into his radio. 

He and his men were gathered in front of the sealed door of the chair room.

"We read two life signs in the room ahead of you. Can you confirm?" Elizabeth's voice crackled over the radio.

"Yes, two life signs confirmed. Energy presence is not expanding further according to Dr. Javier."

"Dr. Grodin confirms that." There was a pause, and then a loud crack echoed over the radio before the connection to the command centre died.

At the same time, the corridor in front of the chair room, along with the entire City of Atlantis was plunged into darkness.

"Dr. Weir, please respond!" Sergeant Forsythe yelled. He switched off his com, and then switched it on again.

"Dr. Weir, this is Sergeant Forsythe, are you reading this?"

His call was met by silence.

* * *

It made all sense. John was dying. His vitals were dropping, his heart was slowing, and his body was cooling. But at the same time, he was giving off pure energy. The beeping of Radek's scanner confirmed it, but Carson could literally feel the energy that filled the room. It vibrated through his body, like an invisible warmth. He had never felt any sensation like it. 

„Carson! "He heard Radek call his name. The other man was standing at John's side, reading to lift him back to the bed.

Carson moved fast. This couldn't be. It was too early. It wasn't John's time yet. Maybe there was still something he could do. If only he had the time.

„It's too late for that. "He shouted. „Put the interface on him and power up the second chair. "

Radek said nothing and leapt into action. Swiftly, he pressed the interface onto John's head where it immediately lit up. Carson was watching from the other chair, waiting for Radek to reroute power from Atlantis' main system's to the chair room. Alarms had started beeping from the monitors he had set up to keep an eye on John's condition. He was deteriorating fast. Carson prayed that he was not too late. Maybe he shouldn't interfere, but he had chosen to go down this path long ago and he would go all the way.

Seconds later, the lights went out.

„You're good to go. " Finally. The chair lit up a second later. Carson tried to blank everything else, except his connection to John and the interface. He had to find it with his mind.

* * *

Suddenly everything went dark. Every light, every console lost power at the same time. Even the Gate powered down instantaneously. At was as if someone flipped the power switch. For a second, there was utter silence before everyone started talking at once, asking questions, trying to move in the darkness. 

„Stop, everyone stop talking! " Elizabeth yelled. It had the desired effect. The voices started dying down fast and within second there was silence in the command centre.

„Grodin, where is emergency power. It is supposed to kick in whenever power fails in the City? "

„It should. But without the use of the computer system, I can't tell you anything, except that everything is off-line at the moment. "

„That's not helping. " Elizabeth commented dryly. She tried to reactivate her com. „Sergeant Forsythe, do you hear me? "

She got no response. The com system was down as well. They were perfectly vulnerable at the moment. If the Wraith decided to attack now, they would be helpless. Just because they had beaten the Wraith once, didn't mean that they had defeated the enemy forever. They would be back, eventually.

„Is there a way to manually bring the power back on-line, or at least switch on emergency power? "

„There is, but it's a bit from here. I could show you on the map, well if I could „ Grodin said nervously. „That's presuming that our power supply hasn't been damaged, if the energy that we detected earlier was a life form, it could „

„We can't assume anything right now. " Elizabeth cut him off. „Take two marines with you and try to switch the power back on manually. We need to get power back to be able to defend the City. Without the computers we are blind. "

At first he though he had finally fallen asleep and this was some pleasant dream were the offending lights that were aggravating his headache were gone, but when Jansen heard the chatter of his team follow the plunge into darkness, he immediately knew that he was not asleep, but that something bad had happened. On a military base, the power didn't just simply go out. There wad always a back-up, especially, in the high tech City of the Ancients.

Before they could do much, their attention was draw to desperate shouts coming from the next room down.

„Damn, what just happened? I can't see anything. Where is the damn back-up power? This can't be happening. "A woman sounded panicked, and then something was knocked over. Metal clattered to the ground.

„Dr. Woods? "Another voice, confused now.

„The respirator! "The first woman shouted. „It must have shut off. "

„I can't find a pulse. But I'm not sure, fuck. I don't think he's breathing. Where is the power? "They were yelling now. More objects fell to the ground.

„Ow. Damn. It's too fucking dark. I'm getting started on compressions. Get that tube out of his throat; I need to get him breathing. "The voice was frantic.

„It won't work. He's too deeply sedated to breathe on his own. "The woman sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

They could hear bodies shift and mumbled counting start as one of the doctors did CPR on Dr. McKay.

They looked at each other horror on their faces. The same thought occurred to them simultaneously. The healing device, It was the only hope now. It might not work, but it was worth a try.

„Here, quickly. "Dr. Garber handed the device to Captain Mars who put it on even as he ran towards the door separating them from the adjoining room. Teyla followed right behind him. The rest of the team stayed behind, knowing that they would only be in the way.

Mars and Teyla came to a halt as they entered the room that served as an operating theatre in the quarantine zone. It was pitch black in the windowless room, only the Ancient artefact that Mars was wearing emitted an intense unearthly blue glow. Dr. Viro was staring at them, having noticed their arrival. In the blue glow, they could see tears on her face. Further back in the room, they could see the shadowy figure of Dr. Woods straddling Rodney, frantically performing CPR. Mars rushed towards her, ignoring Dr. Viro. Within a second he was standing next to the doctor and her lifeless patient how looked white in the blue light. Dr. Woods seemed to not even have noticed him. Only when he put a hand on her arm, she tried to shake him off.

„Dr. Woods, you have done enough. We can help him. We have found an Ancient technology on the planet"

„Can't let him die. He's my patient. "Dr. Woods panted between compressions. She was clearly at the end of her strength. When Mars grabbed her by the shoulders and led her to the ground, she hardly resisted. He quickly moved back to Rodney, praying that it was not too late. He focused on the still man, imagining healing him. Mars had no idea what he was doing. To tell the truth he was scared of failing, of making a mistake. All he had ever done with his gene was flying a Puddle Jumper, but not nearly as well as the major. Just well enough for supply runs for the mainland. He probably wouldn't do as a fighter pilot. And now he was expected to raise the chief scientist from the dead.

„You did it, he's breathing. " Mars heard the words and felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and found Jansen standing next to him. Dr. Viro was tending to McKay. Teyla and Dr. Garber were nowhere to be seen.

„Let's get out of the way. You've done your job. "Jansen said and led Mars back to the main room.

* * *

Carson was standing in the middle of what appeared to be a maze. The room he was in was small and square in shape; four corridors led away from it, one on each side. It looked just like the corridors on Atlantis, but everything was narrower and had a claustrophobic touch to it. Carson shuddered slightly. 

He knew that he wasn't really standing in a square room like this. In reality he was sitting in one of the Ancient's chairs trying to save John's life. The last thing he could recall was trying to focus on finding to connection to John. This was probably how the chair represented it for his mind to process. Under different circumstances, it would be very fascinating. But now, he didn't have time. There was no way to know how John was doing.

Carson took the corridor to his left. It stretched down for quite a bit before it separated again, giving him the choice to go left or right. On the right was a closed door, whereas on the left lay another corridor going downhill from where he was standing.

Carson chose the door. Luckily it wasn't locked. He stepped inside. The room was dark, only when he looked up; he saw a faint source of light. On the ceiling of the room, was what resembled a miniature sky. A black night sky with sparkling stars, but there weren't just stars, there were names attached to them. When he unintentionally focussed on one of them, the star drifted closer and the name became clear, written in the beautifully slanted Ancient characters. It was a star map that he could somehow access with the help of the chair, in a way like John had brought up Earth's solar system back in Antarctica.

Beckett forced himself back to the issue at hand; he was here to save John. He had to continue searching for him. He left the room and took the corridor that led downwards.

He had hardly taken ten steps when he noticed it getting colder. He hurried on. The corridor made a few turns, but didn't branch off anywhere. A good ten minutes passed at least, by now the temperature was below freezing, Carson estimated. He heard a sound not too far off, it sounded like the waves of an ocean crashing against the shore. He already feared to have run into a dead end when the corridor branched ahead of him.

There was no way to tell where to go, so he didn't waste time thinking and headed left. Another door waited for him after a few paces. Like the previous door, it wasn't locked.

He opened to door and stepped into a frighteningly familiar scene.

He was standing in the chair room, right next to the chair, he was sitting in. The strange thing was that he could see himself sitting in it. He was looking down on himself and what he saw didn't reassure him. His chair-sitting self was breathing hard and rapidly, his face pale and sweaty. It looked like the experience was taking a lot out of him. If it at least worked, it would be worth it to Carson. He looked over to John. The alarms had fallen silent, or Radek had turned them off. John was surrounded by an eerie glow of warm light.

No, Carson's mind, screamed. Not yet! He had to get out of this illusion and back to searching for John in the maze. He had to find him.

His mental command was obeyed and he found himself back in the corridor. With renewed determination, he raced back to the last junction and took the other direction. The sounds of the waves grew louder and soon the corridor opened up the give way to a beach.

The beach reminded Carson of a particularly beautiful spot on the mainland. Not sure what awaited him; he took a few cautious steps onto the beach. At first he couldn't see anyone else around, but suddenly he could sense a movement of air behind himself. He whirled around and saw the person he had least expected to appear.

Chaya was standing there, smiling at him. She was holding the Ancient interface in her hands, offering it to him. He didn't take it.

„John is waiting for you. I went to him, to welcome him, but he didn't wish to join us. He doesn't know it yet, but we are his people and one day, he will join us. But it is not his time yet. Now, he needs you. "Chaya explained.

„John is an Ancient? " Carson was astounded.

Chaya ignored him.

„Take this and reach out to him. " Chaya put the Ancient interface into his hands.

„Will he remember? "

„He might. "

* * *

„Main power seems to be back on-line, sir!" one of Sergeant Forsythe's men stated the obvious as the lights flickered back the life in the corridor in front of the chair room. 

„The energy reading have dropped, but I'm still reading elevated levels in the room. " Dr. Javier informed them.

„Dr. Weir, this is Sergeant Forsythe, do you read? "The Sergeant tried his com again.

„Yes, sergeant, you have been out of contact for a while. We assumed that power had been lost all over the station. "

„Yes, it seems so. It just came back on-line. We are ready to proceed at your orders. We are still getting signs of abnormal energy levels from the chair room, now reading three life signs in the room. I suggest we enter the room to gain control of the situation and get our people out. "

„Go ahead and good luck! "

„All right, we are good to go. "

* * *

Two days later: 

Elizabeth sighed as she closed the last of the reports concerning the incident two days ago. The City was back to normal operations. The power at come back on its own without a hitch and there had been no discernable damage to the power generators or any other part of the station for that matter. Only the door to the chair room had taken minor damage when Dr. Javier from Sergeant Forsythe's team had shortened out the door controls. But it was nothing that couldn't be fixed quickly. In fact, she had just signed off on the maintenance report.

The City gave her not so much cause to worry; it was the people living in it that were the problem. As so often in recent months, people had gone off and decided to do what was best in their minds. She was supposed to be the one to run this place. What was going wrong? Was she too lax? She thought that she had shown that she didn't tolerate blatant violations of rules when she had demoted Dr. Zelenka for keeping vital data from her. But that had obviously not deterred the scientist from embarking on another unauthorized experiment. She didn't doubt everyone's best intentions, surely Dr. Beckett and Dr. Zelenka had meant the best for John when they had kidnapped him from the infirmary, but still, she had decided otherwise. She didn't make her decisions with reason behind them, as her staff seemed to believe. She just had had bad luck recently with the jungle planet to turn out to be the home of a deadly bacterium and a difficult native culture.

But thanks to Sergeant Jansen team, they had managed to turn the tide there and had even obtained valuable technology. Only Teyla had requested not to return to the planet. Elizabeth couldn't phantom why. From what she had gathered from Sergeant Jansen report, Teyla had had quite animated conversations with the Chief in Ancient and he had seemed quite taken to her.

Carson had a full infirmary. It was his first day back on duty since what had happened two days ago. Dr. Woods had convinced him to take at least a day off after Sergeant Forsythe had called for a med team after finding him and John unconscious in the chairs. Although Carson hadn't suffered a detectable ill effect, he still felt a little tired. But he wasn't going to mention that to Dr. Woods. He felt bad enough after he had heard what had happened during the power failure that he and Radek had most likely caused when they had powered up the second chair.

There was a lot of blame to go around; he was going to have to straighten to out later. But first he had to go about his jobs. Luckily, most of his patients were doing well. The healing device from the jungle planet was already making a significant difference. Without it, the infection that they had brought back from the planet would have been lead to a long and agonizing death for those affected. He hadn't had much time yet to study the healing device, but he theorized that since it only provided a limited effect, it probably worked by enhancing the bodies own systems.

Bates was sitting in bed, already waiting for Carson.

„Good morning Sergeant. Good news for you. You're good to go. "Carson announced cheerfully.

„That's the news I have been waiting for. Thanks doc. "Bates replied, a grin spreading over his face. „Where are my clothes? "

„Not so fast. I want you back here every two days for the next week to make sure that the healing device did its job. "

„No problem. How long until I get back to work? "

„One week until you're cleared for light duty here in the City, two weeks until you get to go off-world again. "

„All right. Clothes? "Bates asked impatiently, but still happy to get out of the infirmary.

„Right there. " Carson pointed out the stack of clothes on that a nurse had placed on the edge of the bed.

Carson moved on to his next patient that caused him much more worry. Rodney was doing a lot better physically, the infection was under control and the latest x-ray showed that the fracture in his leg was finally starting to heal. But although, Rodney had been conscious most of the previous day, Dr. Woods had told him that he had made no attempt to interact with anyone. Even when Elizabeth had been there to visit, he had only pretended to be asleep. At least that's what Dr. Woods and the nurses had thought. Rodney wouldn't tell anyone how he was feeling.

Carson approached the bed and glanced at the monitors. From what he saw, he could tell that Rodney should be awake. He certainly couldn't tell from the man's posture. Rodney was lying motionless in bed, facing the wall.

Rodney was drifting. He didn't want to be awake. Being awake only hurt. Being awake opened him up to the assault of the images. They seemed like memories, recent memories, but Rodney couldn't place them properly. There was pain and fear. He hadn't been so frightened in a long them. He remembered waking up and not being able to breathe. There had been something crushing his chest, it had been dark. Everything had hurt. The panic, the pain and the feeling of being suffocated returned every time he woke up. Only when he drifted back into unconsciousness he could find some peace. When he was awake, his body and mind hurt.

„Rodney, wake up. I know you are awake. "

Rodney heard the familiar voice from above. He didn't move. He didn't want to get up and deal with anything right now. The least of all did he want to deal with Carson. It was Carson's fault that John was dead.

Carson eventually gave up. Rodney refused to react to him. Dr. Viro had no been certain how long Rodney had been clinically dead during the power failure. Carson could only hope that he hadn't suffered any damage. So far nobody had been able to evaluate his mental status. They had cut down on his pain medication in order to get him to wake up more, but it didn't seem to be helping as Rodney didn't want to communicate with them. Hopefully, Carson would soon have good news for Rodney.

Carson slipped into the small room where John was resting. He had regained consciousness for the first time during the night and according to the duty nurse, he had seemed coherent.

When Carson walked up to the bed, John opened his eyes and watched Carson's movements eagerly.

„Good morning, John. "

„Carson? " John croaked, his voice not quite working yet.

„Don't rush it. It might take some time to get used to talking again. "Carson handed John a cup off water. After John had taken a few sips, Carson spoke again.

„I need to ask you a few questions. "

John nodded.

„Do you know where you are? "

„Atlantis, Infirmary? " The last part came as a question.

„Right. Do you know who you are? "

„Major John Sheppard. " John replied tiredly. Carson could see that the conversation was taking a lot out of him.

„What is the last thing you remember? "

John didn't reply instantly.

„Chaya. "He said after a pause. „She …she was there at a beach, I think. It's all pretty muddled up. I think she wanted me to come with her. "John rubbed his forehead.

„Give it time. It's not that important now. "Carson soothed. „Get some rest, you need it. "

* * *

„No, I'm not hearing this again. " Elizabeth was exasperated. 

Carson had come to her office to personally update her on the condition of his patients. Elizabeth had immediately known that something was up. Normally he would have just contacted her over the com or sent her the report, unless there was a serious problem. It turned out that Carson had come to apologize for what had happened two days ago. While he seemed genuinely sorry that he and Radek had caused a power failure that had nearly caused Rodney death, he had not apologized for having gone against Elizabeth orders in the first place.

Elizabeth got up and walked over to the window.

„You were right this time. Your plan worked, but it was dangerous. You nearly killed someone because you were dealing with technology that we don't fully understand yet. It was too much of a risk. I made my decision for a reason and while we are not in the military, I expect you to follow my orders without questioning my reasoning behind them. I'm especially disappointed that you and Dr. Zelenka had been planning to go ahead with the procedure from the start. My opinion never mattered to you. It cannot work like this. I can't be in charge if my authority isn't respected. I'm going to make a note of the incident in your record. If we were on Earth, the situation would look quite different for you. "

„I know. " Carson answered, not caring. He had expected nothing less when he had made his decision. He had saved a life, now he only needed to worry whether in saving it, he had prevented it from moving on to a higher form of existence. But there would be time for that later. He would wait for John to approach the topic.

* * *

Rodney carefully opened his eyes. He hurt and he was thirsty. He wanted to avoid dealing with any of the medical personnel, but thirst had won. If only he could quickly get some water and then go back to sleep without getting poked and prodded. There had been a cup of water on the nightstand when he woken some time before and one of the nurses had caught him. Rodney rolled to his side, biting back a groan as his body protested in pain against the movement. 

When a filled cup suddenly appeared in front of his face, he drank gratefully. The cold water soothed his throat and abated his thirst. Just when he had closed his eyes again, intend on dozing off again into pain-free oblivion, someone poked his shoulder.

Rodney ignored it. He was poked again.

„Come on Rodney. I need to know that you are all right in there. "A voice whispered. A familiar voice that sent a shiver down his spine. John! But Carson had said that John was going to die. The memory of a deathly pale John lying in bed flashed through his mind.

Rodney opened his eyes and looked up. John was looking at him, a concerned expression on his face. It changed into a smile when he saw that Rodney was looking at him.

„John? "

„Yes. I'm here. Are you okay? "

„You are asking me that? Carson said that you were dying, that they couldn't help you... How…" Rodney rambled, still shocked over seeing John.

„I don't know. Apparently Carson figured something out with a piece of Ancient tech. "John answered his mind back with the memory of Chaya. He needed to sort that out in his mind first.

„I don't remember much at all. Most of it is a blur. But I remember you being there a lot. "John added.

„If I hadn't been so ignorant in the first place, this never would have happened! " Rodney snapped at John. All his guilt came bubbling back to the surface as he looked at John exhausted and worn, sitting in a wheelchair at his bedside.

John shook his head.

„I don't know what you are talking about. But it doesn't really matter. You were there for me, that's what I remember." John squeezed Rodney's hand.

The End

A/N: I wrote two endings to this story. This is the first ending. The next chapter is the second ending.


	11. Ends and Means 2

The exhausted rescue team left the Gateroom and made its way down to the former quarantine zone. They were all worn and tired. Sergeant Jansen was on the brink of falling over, but he was insisting on walking to the infirmary under his own power. Still, Dr. Garber kept a close eye on him, in case he was not as well as he claimed. She was still not convinced that the healing device they had acquired provided a total cure. It seemed to have gotten rid of the drug in Teyla's system effectively, but in the more severe case of their CO, there were remaining effects of the poisonous dart.

The discovery of the artefact could revolutionize what they knew about medicine and biology in general. So far they had only been able to speculate about how the ancient ability to heal worked, they had never been able to study it. Now, they would have this chance. She eyed her team-mates. They all looked like they needed a shower and at least a week of sleep, but they were holding up all right. Including Teyla. Dr. Graber couldn't imagine the horror she must have been through. She was probably still in shock.

Indeed, Teyla bore only the vaguest resemblance to her usual self. Her hair was in a tangled mess, pieces of leaves sticking in it. It was evident that aside from the daily rains, it hadn't been washed in a while. Dr. Garber's uniform jacket was too wide for Teyla who was thinner than Dr. Garber. The make-shift skirt used to be off-white was stained with dirt, having taken on a green-brown mottled pattern.

Only her straight posture and graceful motions were unchanged by the horrendous trek through the jungle. They seemed to only have slowed down her movement. Dr. Garber could not help but marvel at that, she was too well aware of the slouch of her own shoulders, but lacked even the energy to straighten her back.

Finally, after what had seemed like a kilometre long stretch of corridor, they reached the former quarantine zone. The main room was strangely empty. They were mid way in when a nurse walked up to them.

„Sergeant Jansen. " She nodded to the leader. „The Gateroom informed us that you would be coming. We are trying to reach Dr. Beckett, he should be here shortly. In the meantime, I suggest you lie down over here. The rest of you can sit over by the wall. "

The nurse guided Jansen over to an exam table and helped him out of his jacket and boots. Jansen groaned. His head was hurting fiercely and the wound in his back where the dart had hit him felt like a sword had impaled him. All he wanted was for Beckett or any doctor to arrive and fork over the drugs.

„If Beckett isn't here, aren't there other doctors that can treat us? "He asked grumpily.

„I'm afraid not. Drs. Woods and Viro are getting ready for surgery right now. I could see if Dr. Hendricks can get down here, but I think he's on duty in the temporary infirmary. "The nurse shrugged and went back to her desk.

* * *

„We have cleared the entire area, the sector is secure. Awaiting your orders, ma'am. "Sergeant Forsythe spoke into his radio.

He and his men were gathered in front of the sealed door of the chair room.

„We read two life signs in the room ahead of you. Can you confirm? "Elizabeth's voice crackled over the radio.

„Yes, two life signs confirmed. Energy presence is not expanding further according to Dr. Javier. "

„Dr. Grodin confirms that. " There was a pause, and then a loud crack echoed over the radio before the connection to the command centre died.

At the same time, the corridor in front of the chair room, along with the entire City of Atlantis was plunged into darkness.

„Dr. Weir, please respond! " Sergeant Forsythe yelled. He switched off his com, and then switched it on again.

„Dr. Weir, this is sergeant Forsythe, are you reading this? "

His call was met by silence.

* * *

It made all sense. John was dying. His vitals were dropping, his heart was slowing, and his body was cooling down. But at the same time, he was giving off pure energy. The beeping of Radek's scanner confirmed it, but Carson could literally feel the energy that filled the room. It vibrated through his body, like an invisible warmth. He had never felt any sensation like it.

„Carson! "He heard Radek call his name. The other man was standing at John's side, reading to lift him back to the bed.

Carson just shook his head. It was too late to stop this. Even if they could it wouldn't be right. This was the next step in the cycle of life. Not for all humans, not yet anyways. Maybe one day they would evolve to that point. But just as there was a point when even as a doctor he had to give in the death, he had to give in now and let nature take over.

At first, it was small, and centred around John's body, but the bright warm light grew fast. Carson and Radek stared mesmerized, drawn in by the evolution of light and energy from the lifeless body of their friend. It was a sight neither of them would have ever been capable of imagining. The light moved up from John's body and coalesced into a pulsing entity of blindingly bright light hovering in the air above, its glow filling the entire room. Neither of the two men had noticed that the other lights had gone dark. Carson stared at the entity, unable to move as it advanced towards him. He had never dreamed of seeing something like this. Even reading about it in the medical files of the SCG hadn't brought it close to what it was to witnessing it.

The white light blinded him and he closed his eyes, he wanted to move, but his body was paralysed, unwilling or unable to obey his commands as the entity approached him, coming almost close enough to touch. Carson could feel the energy ripple through his body with an intensity that it almost hurt. The ground vanished beneath his feet and every nerve ending awoke. A bright white bolt seared through his mind, illuminating the darkness.

This was what it must be like to transcend physical form, was his last conscious thought before he was swept away on a wave of blinding white light.

Suddenly everything went dark. Every light, every console lost power at the same time. Even the Gate powered down instantaneously. At was as if someone flipped the power switch. For a second, there was utter silence before everyone started talking at once, asking questions, trying to move in the darkness.

„Stop, everyone stop talking! " Elizabeth yelled. It had the desired effect. The voices started dying down fast and within second there was silence in the command centre.

„Grodin, where is emergency power. It is supposed to kick in whenever power fails in the City? "

„It should. But without the use of the computer system, I can't tell you anything, except that everything is off-line at the moment. "

„That's not helping. " Elizabeth commented dryly. She tried to reactivate her com. „Sergeant Forsythe, do you hear me? "

She got no response. The com system was down as well. They were perfectly vulnerable at the moment. If the Wraith decided to attack now, they would be helpless. Just because they had beaten the Wraith once, didn't mean that they had defeated the enemy forever. They would be back, eventually.

„Is there a way to manually bring the power back on-line, or at least switch on emergency power? "

„There is, but it's a bit from here. I could show you on the map, well if I could…" Grodin said nervously. „That's presuming that our power supply hasn't been damaged, if the energy that we detected earlier was a life form, it could…"

„We can't assume anything right now. " Elizabeth cut him off. „Take two marines with you and try to switch the power back on manually. We need to get power back to be able to defend the City. Without the computers we are blind. "

* * *

At first he though he had finally fallen asleep and this was some pleasant dream were the offending lights that were aggravating his headache were gone, but when Jansen heard the chatter of his team follow the plunge into darkness, he immediately knew that he was not asleep, but that something bad had happened. On a military base, the power didn't just simply go out. There wad always a back-up, especially, in the high tech City of the Ancients.

Before they could do much, their attention was draw to desperate shouts coming from the next room down.

„Damn, what just happened? I can't see anything. Where is the damn back-up power? This can't be happening. "A woman sounded panicked, and then something was knocked over. Metal clattered to the ground.

„Dr. Woods? "Another voice, confused now.

„The respirator! "The first woman shouted. „It must have shut off. "

„I can't find a pulse. But I'm not sure, fuck. I don't think he's breathing. Where is the power? "They were yelling now. More objects fell to the ground.

„Ow. Damn. It's too fucking dark. I'm getting started on compressions. Get that tube out of his throat; I need to get him breathing. "The voice was frantic.

„It won't work. He's too deeply sedated to breathe on his own. "The woman sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

They could hear bodies shift and mumbled counting start as one of the doctors did CPR on Dr. McKay.

They looked at each other horror on their faces. The same thought occurred to them simultaneously. The healing device. It was the only hope now. It might not work, but it was worth a try.

„Here, quickly. "Dr. Garber handed the device to Captain Mars who put it on even as he ran towards the door separating them from the adjoining room. Teyla followed right behind him. The rest of the team stayed behind, knowing that they would only be in the way.

Mars and Teyla came to a halt as they entered the room that served as an operating theatre in the quarantine zone. It was pitch black in the windowless room, only the Ancient artefact that Mars was wearing emitted an intense unearthly blue glow. Dr. Viro was staring at them, having noticed their arrival. In the blue glow, they could see tears on her face. Further back in the room, they could see the shadowy figure of Dr. Woods straddling Rodney, frantically performing CPR. Mars rushed towards her, ignoring Dr. Viro. Within a second he was standing next to the doctor and her lifeless patient how looked white in the blue light. Dr. Woods seemed to not even have noticed him. Only when he put a hand on her arm, she tried to shake him off.

„Dr. Woods, you have done enough. We can help him. We have found an Ancient technology on the planet"

„Can't let him die. He's my patient. "Dr. Woods panted between compressions. She was clearly at the end of her strength. When Mars grabbed her by the shoulders and led her to the ground, she hardly resisted. He quickly moved back to Rodney, praying that it was not too late. He focused on the still man, imagining healing him. Mars had no idea what he was doing. To tell the truth he was scared of failing, of making a mistake. All he had ever done with his gene was flying a Puddle Jumper, but not nearly as well as the major. Just well enough for supply runs for the mainland. He probably wouldn't do as a fighter pilot. And now he was expected to raise the chief scientist from the dead.

„You did it, he's breathing. " Mars heard the words and felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and found Jansen standing next to him. Dr. Viro was tending to McKay. Teyla and Dr. Garber were nowhere to be seen.

„Let's get out of the way. You've done your job. "Jansen said and led Mars back into the infirmary.

* * *

The Gateroom was empty and silent. It must have looked that way for 10 000 years, Carson mused, looking around. He was alone, standing in the middle of the Gateroom. Yet, he felt strangely at peace. This was right; he was supposed to be here now.

„That's right Carson, I brought you here. " Carson swivelled around, when he heard John's voice from behind.

John was standing about ten feet behind him, a smile on his face. He looked just like Carson had seen him last, before his accident in Rodney's lab.

„Is this…are you? "

„Yes, and I am. I thought I'd say good bye. I wanted to tell you that it isn't your fault. You did all the right things. This was always going to end this way. "John said.

„How can you be so sure? "

„I know now. You know, time and space. Point is, it's going to be hard enough on you for a while even if you don't blame yourself for this. You can't afford to. You have friends to look out for. They need you. "

„Lately I haven't been much of a help to my friends. " Carson said dejectedly.

John knew what the doctor was thinking.

„They are doing better than you think. Rodney is going to be fine. But he needs someone to have an eye out for him. Radek's a great friend, give him a chance. "

With that John dissolved again, this time faster, into the being of light and energy that he was now. With that, the illusion that he had created for Carson disassembled as well and collapsed into darkness.

* * *

It wasn't a pretty sight. Medical equipment was strewn around the make-shift operating room. One of the doctors, Dr. Woods, Rodney wasn't entirely sure, was sitting on a chair outside, head in her hands, shoulders slumped. A few unknown military goons were hovering over one of their own, and Teyla was there as well. They all seemed pretty subdued. His own body was lying on a gurney in the operating room, a sheet haphazardly draped half way over him. Nobody seemed to pay any attention to him. Was it because it was already too late? He definitely looked dead. His face was ashen and there was a trickle of dried blood at the corner of his mouth. His bare chest looked horrible. Where the infection had not yet spread and caused his skin to blister and flake, his flesh was mottled with bruises.

„Am I dead? " Rodney asked his companion.

„No, you are too stubborn to die. " John answered. „You were already dead when they brought you back with an Ancient healing device. You got lucky. "

„Then what are you doing here? " Rodney asked, already knowing the answer. For a moment he had indulged in the belief that John was going to welcome him to the other side. But this was nothing more than an illusion while he was probably drugged into unconsciousness in the Atlantis infirmary.

But John read his thoughts.

„I'm as real as you are. You are out at the moment. But I'm really here. To say good-bye to you and to set you straight. I know you are going to blame yourself for everything that happened no matter what I say, but I'm still going to say it. You couldn't have known what was going to happen with the alien device. There was no way to know. It could have happened any time. It could have happened to you for that matter. What counts is that you have been a friend the entire time through this. I'm going to return the favour. "

„Friendship doesn't work that way. What are you going to do, you are dead? "Rodney snapped, emotion threatening to overwhelm him. He couldn't have that. John couldn't die while his life had been miraculously saved. Why couldn't the healing device have also saved John?

„It was too late for him. My time. But you'll see me again. Don't be too hard on Carson. He was trying his best. "

„He killed you! " Rodney scowled furiously.

„Forgive him. He meant well. "John smiled. „Forgive all of them."

* * *

Radek's relief was immense when the energy entity released Carson from its grasp. For a time, he had been worried about his friend. He rushed to Carson's side, Carson was pale and unconscious, but his pulse was strong.

„Carson? " Radek shook him gently.

„Radek? John? "Carson mumbled.

„It's me Radek. Are you all right? "

„John? "

It was growing darker in the room, as the energy being was drifting towards the ceiling. The room was plunged into darkness once it had left the room.

„He is not with us. " Radek tried to calm Carson who wasn't fully awake yet.

„What's going on? Where'd the light go?

Radek grabbed tightly onto Carson's hand.

„It's going to be all right. " Radek didn't know, but he couldn't afford not to.

Radek held Carson's hand for a long time. It was still in the darkness. Time lost its meaning. Radek could not tell whether minutes or hours passed. Carson had drifted off again. Eventually, after an eternity had passed, there were voices and footsteps outside. Sparks started flying from the doors. There was a small explosion and a troop of heavily armed soldiers poured into the room, finding no one but two exhausted scientists. No alien threats whatsoever.

_One week later_

Elizabeth was reading through the final reports concerning the events last week. A lot was still unclear and she had the feeling that they might never now some of what had happened. Both Drs. Beckett and Zelenka had given nearly identical descriptions of having witnessed John Sheppard's body evolve into a being of light and energy. All that had been found in the room with them later was the major's dead body. After some argument, it had been agreed that Dr. Viro do the autopsy. She found no clear cause of death, but since murder could be ruled out under the circumstances, 'death by natural causes' was put on the death certificate and entered in the official records.

Elizabeth sighed. Losing people was hard. Picking up the pieces was harder. Two days ago, she had made Sergeant Bates position of military commander of City permanent as well of Sergeant Forsythe's new position as chief of security. There had been no celebrations and only subdued congratulations.

Elizabeth signed the last of the reports and closed the file. She moved on to the next point on her agenda. It was even less pleasant. She had gone ahead in spite of the protests of Drs. McKay and Beckett and had arranged a funeral of John Sheppard on the mainland for the next day. She had listened to both men who insisted that John wasn't dead in the technical sense but that he had ascended to the non-physical form of the Ancients. Elizabeth wasn't sure what to make of that. She didn't want to doubt what Beckett and also Zelenka had seen, when they against orders, had placed Sheppard in the Ancient chair, but there was a lot that irked her. There was Sheppard's dead body for once. It was all going over her head, if she was honest. But the funeral would remain set for the next day. All the people they had lost had been buried on the mainland so far, and tomorrow, they would have to add another grave. Another one too many.

* * *

The infirmary was almost empty at this time. Captain Kang had been in earlier with a broken wrist, but otherwise there was only one patient at the moment. Sergeant Jansen and his team and been cleared of any infection and had only been kept in the infirmary for 24 hours after their arrival back from the planet. With the help of the healing device and a continuing course of antibiotics, Carson had been able to release Sergeant Bates three days ago. His only patient at the moment was Rodney. His friend was causing him a lot of worry. Although Rodney was finally improving, the healing device had turned the tide and the infection was under control. It had been a close call a week ago when the power had failed after Rodney had been taken into surgery, but he had been very lucky. The healing device had saved not only his leg, but also his life.

The medical staff was still studying the device; they had yet to find out how it worked. They only know that it only healed partially. The current theory was that it maximised the bodies own systems and that there were biological limits to this.

Carson walked over to Rodney's bed.

"Good morning, Rodney. How are you feeling today?"

Rodney didn't even turn into his direction. He had been ignoring him ever since he had woken up. At first Carson had thought that Rodney had suffered mental impairment, that his brain might have gone without oxygen too long when the power failed, but all scans had been negative and he had been interacting normally with Teyla and Radek who had been to visit several times.

Carson ignored Rodney's silence and went on.

"Your last x-ray and blood test looked all right. You can leave today. With a brace for your leg. You'll have to keep of it for another four to six weeks. I already told you this, but the infection weakened your bones causing them to break. I can't tell you whether they will heal on their own. Only time will tell. Don't worry about being in pain." Carson put a bottle of pain killers on the night stand and leaned a cane against the bed.

"You are going to need this." Rodney followed Carson's movements with his eyes.

Rodney slid of the bed, reaching for the pain to balance his weight on just one leg. Carson knew better than to reach for Rodney's arm to support his friend. Rodney was going to need time.

It took long and was awkward to do without help, but Rodney finally managed to dress. Then, he managed to hobble out of the infirmary without looking back.

He took the nearest transporter to Elizabeth's office. His leg was aching and he could feel cold sweat running down his back by the time, he hobbled along the corridor towards Elizabeth's office but he was determined. One step at the time, he fought his was to the door.

He knocked. Elizabeth immediately answered and helped him to a seat. Rodney came straight to the point.

"I want to go back to work. Anything."

"Doctor Beckett hasn't cleared you for work. But once you are cleared you can get back to work. The City needs you. We need you and we have missed you. All of us. I'm glad that you have decided to come back to us." Elizabeth said.

"I'm out of the loop with everything that's been happening. I need time to read up on everything." Rodney said. "I can do that now. That's not working."

Elizabeth smiled. This sounded like the Rodney she knew. Obsessed with work.

"Talk to Dr. Zelenka, I'm sure he'll help you. I'll contact him as soon as I can and tell him to expect you."

Elizabeth wanted to tell Rodney to lie down for the rest of the day, but she knew that it would be pointless, if he wanted to go to the lab today, he would go there, no matter what she said.

Back in his quarters, Rodney leaned against the wall and let himself slide down to the floor. He was exhausted and there wasn't a muscle in his body that didn't hurt. The little trip to Elizabeth office and then to his quarters felt like a marathon run on his knees.

Rodney drew his knees up to his chest as well as he could with the bulky brace that encased his injured leg. He sat there until after it had gone dark in the room.

When he heard a knock on the door he didn't react, he mentally willed away however wanted to disturb him now.

"Rodney, it's Carson." The familiar voice announced from outside.

"Go away!" Rodney shouted, temporarily forgetting that he was not speaking to Carson.

Carson didn't answer and at first Rodney thought he had really gone away, but then the door slid upon. Carson carefully stepped inside, thinking on the light as he came in. Carson was carrying a tray of food.

"I brought you dinner and the meds you forgot to take with you this morning." he placed the bottle on Rodney's desk.

Smelling the food, Rodney realized how hungry he was. Still he refused to give in.

"Come on Rodney. I know that you are mad it me. Believe me I did everything I could. I wish things would have been different." Carson pleaded.

Leaving the food on the desk, he came over to Rodney and sat down on the floor next to him. Rodney contemplated getting up, away from Carson, but remained sitting. He was tired. 'Forgive them'. John had said that. Rodney wasn't sure he could do that. Maybe a bit every day. It was going to be easier than forgiving himself. Only John could forgive him. John was out there, and some day, they would meet again.

The End


End file.
